Kabanata XX. Autumn
I woke up early in the morning. I was kinda feeling heavy at hindi rin ako masyadong nakatulog kagabi. I kept on thinking what should I do pag nagkita kami and knowing that Elias would probably be with that girl Summer makes me feel heavier.
Dumiretso na kaagad ako sa napag-usapan naming meeting place. Elias texted me last night about sa schedule ng pagkikita namin today with the engineer and architect na gagawa ng mga plans at nung bahay.
Masyado akong maaga sa napag-usapang time kaya humanap nalang muna ako ng pwedeng mauupuan. Since kagabi hindi na rin naman ako makatulog so I just decided to go straight here. KInakabahan ako na hindi ko maintindihan. It's an unexplainable feeling.
I just wore a simple floral dress that suits my body curves. I remember way back 2010, hindi pa ako magaling pumorma and everything na makita ko sa cabinet ko yun na kaagad yung susuotin ko. Before naman kasi, I was like, wala akong pakialam sa kung anong sasabihin ng ibang tao tungkol sa pananamit ko but since when I knew that I love Elias, since then mas naging conscious ako sa paraan ng pananamit ko, lalo na ngayon. Lalo na ngayon na may ibang tao ng involve and I know for a fact na ayaw kong magpatalo sakaniya. Deep down alam ko na mas gusto ko siyang malamangan and I want to prove to Elias that I am better - no, I'm the best. It's the best revenge I can give.
I know some of you would think na, the hell is wrong with me, bakit galit na galit ako kay Elias cause in the first place he got all the rights to have a girlfriend lalo na at wala naman akong karapatan sakaniya but I also know that some of you don't understand what I truly feel.
Hindi siya yung sakit na nararamdaman mo dahil nakita mo yung mahal mo na may iba ng gusto - well, it's kinda like that but it's more of a pride and insecurities towards the girl cause to be honest, I know na mas maganda siya sakin and in some ways, I know she's better, she's better lalo na at naging mas matapang siya para piliin si Elias.
Somehow, I blame myself for what happened three years ago, I also had my choice, kung si Elias ba o yung pag-iibang bansa, I also had my chance to choose him but I did not, I still decided to go despite of my options and now I'm regretting it. One of the reasons why I think that Summer girl is better than me. She chose Elias and she gave him the love he deserves - yung love na hindi ko naibigay sakaniya.
Natigilan ako sa pagdedaydream dahil nahagip ng mata ko si Elias from outside the restaurant. He's early - as usual. Wala naman atang masyadong nagbago sakaniya still the same old Elias. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin habang naglalakad papasok ng restaurant. There are plenty of girls na napapatingin sakaniya, sinong hindi? He looks so handsome wearing his casual clothes. Kahit naka polo shirt lang siya and pants, ang gwapo pa rin niya. I can't help but to smile remembering the time when I first saw his face - I can't forget that feeling and I think I will never be able to forget it.
I chuckled remembering those times. Love at first sight, huh? I guess after all that was true. Well, I never knew that was true, I never believed in it not until I experienced it.
I stopped staring at him when he entered the restaurant. I immediately looked away as I sip my coffee. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako titingin so I decided to just look outside the window.
"Oh, you're early." kalmadong sambit niya bago hinatak yung upuan na nasa harapan ko. He sat there and put his bag on top of the table.
"Yeah, maaga naman talaga ako. I'm a morning person, remember?" I asked him.
"Y-yeah. I remember." he awkwardly said. Did what I said made him feel awkward? I guess so. Hindi ko na dapat tinanong 'yon. After all, baka nakalimutan na niya talaga ako and anything about me. I guess he's trying to forget everything about me.
