the article « l.s.

[chapter 10]

Louis pov.

I rushed out the door and almost ran to my car. I couldn't forget Harry's hurt look as I pulled back. But what if this was too soon? What if I wasn't ready yet? But at the same time, I was furious with myself. Why did I do that? I didn't even tell him what was wrong or why I pulled back. He must think I don't like him or that I didn't want to kiss him. But the opposite was correct. I was super attracted to him and I genuinely enjoyed kissing him. But I reminded myself where I was and drove away. During the ride, I couldn't stop thinking. What if I wasn't ready? Because obviously the next step would be a relationship, but we just had 2 dates. Wasn't that too soon? But on the other hand, I felt like I knew him. I felt butterflies in my stomach whenever he just smiled at me. And I felt like the kiss just doubled these feelings. This was the best kiss I have ever had! But I pulled back, why am I such an idiot?! I messed up, but I liked him! As I drove into my parking lot, I ran upstairs and shut the door real quick. Closing my door felt like escaping reality and everything around me. I decided to take a bath and try to sort it out, before texting Harry. I was too emotional right now. So I let the water run into the bathtub, sprinkled some scented salt into the hot water, and lit the vanilla candles in the bathroom. After shutting the light off and stripping off all my clothes, I cautiously climbed into the bathtub. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts shoot through my head. All these thoughts felt like a heavy cloud in my head. Poor Harry, he looked devastated when I left. And I could definitely get why. He must think I'm an asshole or something. But I didn't want him to think that, because I wasn't. I felt sorry for leaving him like that. What if he cried? The thought of him crying because of me made my heart hurt. I wanted the best for him. And that made me realize something. It wasn't too soon and I was ready. I was head over heels for him, but that was okay. Because if it's right, time doesn't matter. And I really wanted him, with all his flaws. He mattered to me more than anyone had ever before. And of course one could say, that I don't know him because we only went on two dates and that I couldn't be in love with him just yet. But I was, and no one could change that or judge me for it. I liked him and I needed him to know. And as I was about to climb out of the bathtub a thought shot through my mind. What if he doesn't want you anymore? You obviously hurt him! These thoughts made my heart ache and I let it go through my mind. But I was really motivated right now and I sure as h*ll won't let anything stop me. So I grabbed my phone and pressed 'call'. It rang twice before I could hear a broken and whiny 'Styles?' on the other line. Oh god, what had I done?!

"Harry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have run away like that! Please let me explain!"

"Louis?", he asked and he sounded really sad.

"Yes it's me, love", where did this nickname come from? Anyway, "Please don't hang up!", the line went dead and I thought he had hung up on me, but then I heard his sniffles and started to explain.

"Harry. Before I start explaining, I want you to know that, one, this had nothing to do with you or anything you did. And two, that...", I wasn't sure how to tell him, so I decided to tell him right away, "I genuinely, seriously like you. I really do. You are such a sweet person and you are one of the most interesting people I've ever met! I mean it! And the kiss. Wow, really. This was seriously the best kiss I've ever had. And everything was right and perfect, I swear.", I heard him giggle. "My mind went blank when we kissed, but then my mind was flooded with things like 'I'm not ready yet' or 'This is too soon'. And I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. And thinking about these things-", I spoke softly.

"-and you don't want to see me again, am I right?", Harry answered with a humorless laugh.

"NO! Hell, no! If so I hadn't called you, dork!", I said giggling. "I called to tell you. That I AM ready, and this is NOT too soon. Because who says that? No one! And I genuinely, seriously like you, as I said before. And I want to apologize for my behavior and maybe give it another try? Only if you want to, obviously", I said breathlessly, hoping I had said everything I wanted him to know. What if he said no? I'd be devastated.