The Light House Girl.

Chapter 33

Those three words Ryan said kept playing like a loop in my head for about two to three weeks. I knew what was going on, but I was not aware of my surroundings. I did study apparently, not sure how. I apparently played soccer as well. And we had like four matches in this interval. My body knew what to do, while my mind was in a daze. And I was always smiling. A happy smile. I guess I finally got what Jessica had. What made me jealous of her. But if this is what happiness feels like I want more of it. No wonder Jessica always smiled. It's is very addictive but in a good way. Like it made me grounded yet it feels like I am floating. It feels amazing.

Sasha and Kelly became my friends. I guess Sasha already was and Kelly became as well. I do not remember much of the conversations I had with them during this haze of mine. But I do know that I have not talked to Riley in a while. She still stays at my house whenever her mom is out of town which is very often. But we do not talk. At least I do not, she well.... She tries. She asks questions about homework, about class, about matches, practice you name it. But I simply do not reply. How am I supposed to reply and be normal after she betrayed me? What was she thinking? Jane knows that we are not talking, Ade knows too. But they both hope we will make up soon. Ryan on the other hand is worried that she might throw me off my handle, like she will destroy the little I have built myself, or found myself, I guess. I am not worried about that. Because after Ryan told me he loves me and continued to show care towards me, I feel awesome. I feel more like someone who can be loved, who can be cared for. Like I deserve it. If Riley thought I will not have friends if we don't talk, I think she was proven wrong the Monday after that weekend.

Krystal well she is....I don't even know what to say. We did talk almost every day at school. I invited her to have lunch with me and Sasha. She was reluctant at first but joined anyway. She still has not said much to Sasha. But sitting with us and laughing at our jokes is a progress. I mean it is after all the same girl who almost took a week to tell me her name. And her laugh makes it worth it. Sasha says I am screwed whatever that means. I just know I like being around her. If it was possible, I would always be around her. She just brightens up my day.

We have a presentation in English today and weirdly it is with my partner also known as Sasha, my soccer team captain. Also, the person who calls me Trouble, and just because of her now half the school calls me that. Except like three people Riley, Kelly and Krystal. Kelly thinks she might come up with a better nickname for me by the end of this semester. It might be too late by then, but I did not have the heart to tell her that. She has been such a good friend to me. She joined us at our lunch table recently. It did make Krystal uncomfortable but soon she relaxed. She has just said 'hi' and 'bye' to both of them though, but I am happy she is comfortable with them being around. Sasha said she likes that Krystal is shy and quiet. According to her it gives Krystal a personality. I have no idea what she means. But she calls her Sparrow. I like it she is my little Sparrow. Krystal likes it too. And thanks to Sasha, Jennifer stopped bothering Krystal. She now just walks around us, basically avoids us. She still gawks at Riley, who is still oblivious to it. Just like she is to the death glares Vincent sometimes sends both of us.

The book report and presentation went well. Who knew? Considering I cannot remember Sasha actually working on it anytime we said we would be working together. We always somehow ended up playing soccer, either in real life or on screen. This girl has an obsession with soccer. We have another match this Friday, and this time I am out of my daze. So, I am hoping I will remember playing. We have apparently won all of our matches this year till now. That is good. Although Riley did come to every one of my matches, I felt bad, but I still avoided her. Another thing I noticed is Riley watching Krystal. Every time she saw her face; she intently watches her. Like she is trying to read her, figure her out. I would like to ask her but that would mean I would have to talk to her. Should I talk to her, like should I just get over it? I don't know. I feel so conflicted. I asked Ade and Jane and both of them said it is my decision. Even Ryan said the same thing.