The Light House Girl.

Chapter 55

The fragility of the truth haunts me. I know it haunts Krystal as well. The truth that we both have in common is the fact that we share the scars of our pain. We both share a history no one else can understand. But are we both prepared and ready to face it ourselves? I had been asking myself that question since the night I showed Krystal my back. It almost felt like I bared my soul to her. Because even if she does not know all the stories of my past, or who I used to be. The map of the battles I fought every day on my body is enough to paint a good picture for anyone who witnesses it. Same as the marks that were present on Krystal's back. I remember gasping when she showed me. Even though I did just show her mine, it still made me weak to my knees and extremely angry that I couldn't help her at the same time. I was weak at the thought that I could not protect her, and angry because I was not fast enough in providing the help she needed. It has been on my mind in a loop even with all the happy thoughts. I know neither of us can erase that thought, because the hug we shared, the connection we felt that night, no matter how messed up that is, it connects us. It might always connect us in a hauntingly special way.

I know I should be happy, ecstatic, scream in joy. I am. But I am also constantly reminded of that night. Mostly of the web we find ourselves in. Because it is a web indeed. A spider's web. Sticky and might sting a little if touched without caution. A web of all my emotions intertwined and on hyper alert. They have been since the New Year's Eve party especially after Krystal agreed to be my girlfriend. Now that we are officially a couple, I felt so overtly happy and connected to her. I can now call her my girl without thinking twice. But for some reason we both dimmed a little that night after everyone congratulated us. Everyone who were waiting outside the door and watching us, like watching a movie.

I know what went through my mind when my smile dimmed a little that night, and I am sure it was the same thought that came to Krystal's mind. Then I started to question am I really that much broken that I needed someone just as much broken as me? That thought or the realization that I had actually not only referred to me as broken but Krystal as well, made me jolt out of it. I am sure Krystal saw me. But she did not say anything. Instead she did the best thing that could have calmed me the hell down and poof all my thoughts out in the space, far, far away. She took my face in her hand, stood on her tippy toes and brought my head down a little to kiss me. It took me only a second to smile into the kiss before I deepened it. And this time we did not have an audience to interrupt us.

Except we were interrupted. But not by anyone in particular but just by us. Our own selves. After kissing for few minutes, I felt our connection growing stronger. A jolt of electricity pass through me. That did not make me uncomfortable, not anymore. That definitely did not make me pull back. No Krystal did. Because she felt the current thing this time like me. I know because she had a very unreadable expression on her face which made me question her sudden movement. When she explained I only smiled and responded with what I now know, what I have learned from getting that burst of electric current for a while now. She wanted to say sorry. I know she did. She had that look on her face. So, I dismissed her. Because it is not her fault. It is nobody's fault. It's just what we feel towards each other, heightened, magnified. This unfortunately brought to the forefront of both our minds, the other connection we share. Which begs the question, do we have this connection, this pull because of our past, our history of pain and abuse?

What could have been the happiest two days of my life thus became a mixture of happiness and confusion. Both of us questioning, but neither of us voicing our thoughts or concern to the other or to anybody else. Riley saw it and so did Jess. And let's just say those two became good friends pretty quick. To make matters worse, Jess extended her stay here for a week or two, she said depending. Now what it depends on I have no answer to that question. I know our school will reopen in two days. And hers next week. So, why is she missing class? What made her think of this? I started feeling guilty because somewhere inside my brain an idea lodged that I was the reason for her falling behind in her studies. I started blaming myself.