✔️ Midnight Sparks『 T.H. 』✧･ﾟ:*

Chapter 11: Dead-end street

The space between

The wicked lies we tell

And hope to keep safe from the pain

- Dave Matthews Band

- - -

Time, for me, had been suspended along with the hushed autumn air that seemed to be listening in on our conversation.

Tom filled me in on some of the crazier moments he had at work – crying fans, strange gifts and a weird encounter with a Hollywood veteran who'd invited him to his house to see his large collection of human teeth.

I told him about a bizarre college professor who had 15 cats and assigned us a demand and supply paper that had to incorporate said cats in. I updated him about the application form I'd been given to switch majors. I mentioned how Jayna and I had brought Lou to a jazz club for his birthday two weeks back, and that he'd begun snoring halfway through a set. Tom let out his irresistible, infectious laugh and I couldn't help laughing too.

He showed me pictures of his sweet dog, Tessa.

I played Tom my current favorite song through my phone's Spotify app, Dancing With Your Ghost by a singer named Sasha Sloan, which he immediately downloaded the tune from Apple Music.

What I didn't tell Tom was that the song reminded me of him, and I had a tendency to listen to it on a loop on nights when I had trouble sleeping.

🎵 I stay up all night

Tell myself I'm alright

Baby, you're just harder to see than most 🎵

He didn't need to know. Some things were just better left unsaid, right?

All too quickly, an hour and a half had passed. As hard as it was, it was time to say goodbye to Tom – yet again.

"So, good luck with everything today – your magazine interviews and appearance on Jimmy Kimmel tonight," I told Tom as we stood up.

"Thanks Ali. Go ace your test tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure."

Looking down to dust the grass away from my jeans, I saw a blue and white wildflower growing nearby. I gently plucked the delicate stem and held it up for Tom to see.

"Here," I said, a little shyly, as I tucked the flower into the left pocket of Tom's denim jacket. "For the bestest luck."

"Wow, that's even better than the best," Tom replied with a chuckle. He leaned close and swiftly planted a tender kiss on my right cheek. "Also for the bestest luck for your test," he explained, suddenly shy too.

"Thanks." I tried to sound casual, because we were just friends and what Tom gave me was just a friendly peck on the cheek. But honestly? I may never wash my right cheek ever again.

We left the lake and walked back to the main road, where Tom had asked Hank to pick him up.

"It was so good seeing you, Ali," Tom said warmly.

"Ditto," I responded. My heart couldn't be fuller than it was right now. "Take care, Trev."

Tom's bright brown eyes seemed to dim for a second as he thought of something. "Umm, have fun on your date tonight."

And just like that, my heart sank.

"Oh." It was awful, but I'd totally forgotten about Owen. "Yeah, Spanish food. Can't wait."

"Yeah. Listen, Ali, there's something – well, I wish we had more time..." Tom frowned slightly as he tried to find the words he wanted to say. "But anyway. We'll catch up again soon."

"Sure," I agreed, even though I wasn't sure at all.

Why was he acting so weird? Would he ever tell me?

Tom opened the door to the SUV, and I waved hello at Hank at the driver's seat. Hank flashed me a grin. "Coming along, Ali?" he teased.

"Maybe next time," I responded, forcing myself to grin back. "Bye, Hank. Bye, Trev."

"Goodbye, Ali." Tom gave a wave before he hopped on.

I kept my smile plastered on until the SUV made a turn down the road and disappeared.

* * *

I couldn't focus on my afternoon class in college at all. I was too distracted, deep in very honest thought about Trevor McGeek.

In fact, this was probably the first time I allowed the excuses and general denial to melt away – and for the truth to be exposed, even if it was just within the confines of my mind.

I loved him.

Of course, he had girls all over the world who loved him too. He was Tom Holland, after all.

But he was so much more than that to me. He was Trev.

The one who had casually invited me to watch the city lights with him.

The one who appeared out of nowhere to come to my rescue when I got harassed.

The one whom I shared a magical night in New York City, doing the most ordinary things like going for a movie, walking around the streets and grabbing some late-night sushi.

The one who put a ridiculously happy smile on my face every time he called or texted.

The one who randomly breezed in through the doors on the most beautiful autumn morning today, as if it was the most natural thing to do.

The one who remembered everything.

I supposed the more appropriate question was, how could I not love him? He'd taken down my walls, one encounter at a time. And today, I was officially defenseless.

It had taken me this long to admit all of this, because I was trying to protect this fragile heart from shattering. My heart was just not built for taking chances.

And I undoubtedly would be taking the biggest chance ever, if I continued this dangerous dance with him.

Yes, the word was 'dangerous'. Because I was certain he had something to hide. The times when he was this close to uttering the words – he chose not to say anything, in the end. He must've had his reasons, and I could understand that. It was ultimately his decision and I absolutely respected that.

At the same time though, I couldn't succeed in convincing myself that it didn't matter at all what it was Tom was hiding. If I could, I honestly wanted to be unaffected and to carry on with this thing between us. However, I couldn't quite shake off this tiny voice that constantly whispered, "You're not good enough for him, and he doesn't know how to tell you."

So I had thought that by drawing a line to neatly define what we had – nothing more than a friendship – would fix everything. I could safeguard my heart. I could have him in my life, but he would not get close enough to be capable of hurting me in any way.

But evidently this strategy wasn't working out. I cared about him too much, and I didn't know how to undo this. He was the one person who could inflict all kinds of pain and heartache on me.

So there was only one solution.

I had to cut all ties with Tom.

Not all at once, but it had to start from this very moment. I couldn't go through another time of seeing him and having him steal my heart all over again. I couldn't endure another goodbye with him where I ended up fighting back the urge to plead, "Don't go."

My phone buzzed and I saw a couple of new messages.

[Owen:] Heyy can't wait to see you tonight

[Owen:] I'll meet you at the restaurant at 6?

Owen. He was sweet and smart. And I had to admit, I was curious and hopeful about where things could go with him.

I could either walk down a dead-end street with Tom. Or venture down an open road with Owen.

The choice was obvious, wasn't it?

So I guess this is our last goodbye, Trev. I didn't get to tell this you in person... But you've brought meaning to my life in many wondrous ways. I'll miss you so much.