If You Love Me

Prologue

"It's our last year of high school," Josh said as he watched the sunset. He squeezed Jessie and kissed the top of her head before flipping a burger on the grill.

She smiled and leaned into him. "College is only four months away," she said quietly. She wasn't worried about it, though. They knew they were both going to the same place. But, even if they weren't, they were determined to make this work. "I love you so much."

He turned to her and sat the spatula down, cupping her face in his hands. "I love you, too." He kissed her forehead and then pressed his own against it. "I want to be together with you forever. When we leave college, I'm going to marry you."

She couldn't suppress the happy smile that spread across her face. "Me, too." She glanced at the French doors and gently pulled away, not wanting to kiss where people could see them.

He followed her gaze. "How about you go back in? I'll just be a couple more minutes," he suggested as he picked the spatula up.

---

"Just one more week," Jessie said. The sun's rays were turning red and orange. The colors were being reflected in the ocean. She couldn't think of a prettier way to end their last day on the beach with their families.

"One more week," Josh said, "and we'll be living on the same campus." He picked up a lock of her hair and rubbed it against his cheek. "You're not going to leave me, right? Not for someone smarter or better looking, are you?"

Jessie turned to him, surprised. "Of course not. I love you."

He released her hair. "You'd better not leave me," he said. Something about his tone made her uncomfortable, but it was probably his insecurities coming out.

"Never," she said. She gave him a quick peck on the lips, knowing their families weren't too far away.

He poked her cheek gently. "What was that for?"

She blushed furiously. "Um."

"Jessie, who hates anyone seeing her kiss, actually kissed me in front of her parents?" Josh feigned surprise.

"Shut up," she said, playfully shoving him.

---

She knew there were bags under her eyes. She didn't need her best friend confronting her in the dorm hallway to interrogate her. "Kolleen," Jessie said. "Just leave it, okay?"

"No," she said. "I'm in the dorm next to you! I could hear him shouting at you."

"He's just stressed right now," Jessie said with a sigh. "I'm trying to be supportive."

"You shouldn't let him treat you that way."

"What am I supposed to do then, huh, Kolleen? Break up with him? I can't! He's it for me. There's no one else I want or that would want me. I'm not as pretty as you, I'm fat, and I don't have any curves."

"Fat? Where? You're the right weight."

"I'm not. My stomach and thighs are flabby. But that's beside the point here. He's going through a rough patch. Things will get better in a couple of weeks. You'll see. Now let me get to class." She forced her way past Kolleen, leaving her best friend to stare after her.

---

"You're not thinking of leaving me, are you?" Josh said.

"Of course not!" Jessie straightened up on the common room couch and looked at him. "Why would I?"

Josh rubbed the back of his neck. "After our big fight last week I was worried. You know I love you. I don't want you to leave me."

"I'm not going to."

"Good. I know you don't want to be lonely." He kissed the top of her head. "I know you're not stupid enough to walk away, but I still worry."

"I'm not stupid, Josh."

He pulled back and frowned at her. "That's what I just said. You're stupid, but not that stupid."

She frowned. "Whatever." She stood but Josh grabbed her wrist as she began to walk away. "Ow! Hey, let go. You're hurting me."

"Don't 'whatever' me. I'm being real and serious here and you're trying to make fun of me?" He stood.

"Make fun? Josh, why would I make fun of you? I just need to get back to my room." She tried to pull out of his grasp, but he only tightened his hold.

"You need to go back to your room? Fine, let's go." He all but dragged her down the hallway despite her protests. "Unlock your door," he said when they arrived.

She single-handedly fished her key out and opened the door. He roughly pushed her inside with his body, shutting the door behind them. He pinned her to the wall. "What's so important in here? Huh? What's more important than me and my feelings? I thought you loved me."

"I do love you," she said. "I have an assignment due in the morning. It's a major project and I need to finish it."

"Project, huh? Your professor must be hot, then. You've never been this worried about your grades."

"I'm on a scholarship, Josh. I have to keep my grades high. Besides, that class is a woman."

"That's even worse, you know? What kind of girlfriend are you?"

"Don't do this, Josh," she pleaded.

Instead of responding, he punched the wall next to her head. She shrieked and ducked. "Don't try to make me jealous, Jessie. I'm having a hard enough time without needing to worry about whether or not my girlfriend is trying to leave me." He leaned in closer and breathed into her ear, "Careful, or next time it won't be the wall." He released her and walked out the door, slamming it shut.

Her roommate put her book down and stood up. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Jessie smiled and nodded. "Of course I am."

"He seemed upset."

"He's just, you know, stressed. It'll be fine. Don't worry about me." She went to her desk and grabbed her headphones, putting an end to the discussion.

---

"I told you, he's just my friend," Jessie said. Josh followed her across campus to her dorm. "Nick doesn't like me that way."

"Maybe not, but he's more than that to you," he insisted.

Jessie stopped at the steps to her building. "Josh, just leave it, please," she begged. "There's nothing there. I only love you, and that's not going to change. I promise."

"Then stop making me jealous! I already warned you about this."

Jessie sighed. "I'm not trying to make you jealous! Seriously. If you take a single step outside of your own brain you'd see that!"

"I warned you, and I'm not warning you again. Stay away from Nick. Stay away from Adam. Stay away from all the guys on campus."

"Adam? That's my roommate's boyfriend! I'm not going to try to take someone else's boyfriend!" She couldn't believe he was saying all of this.

Josh glared at her. Maybe it was the darkness, or maybe it was the light from the moon reflecting in his eyes. Whatever it was, for the first time in her Life, Jessie was actually scared of Josh. Especially when he took a couple of slow steps towards her. Jessie took a step back, but he just came closer. "I told you to not make me jealous," he said through gritted teeth. He slapped her.

The force of the impact turned her head. The sound reverberated in her ears. She couldn't believe he just did that. Tears welled up, both from the stinging on her cheek and the hurt that he would do this. Josh was breathing heavily when she looked at him. She opened her mouth to tell him enough was enough, but then his face crumpled. Shocked, she let him hug her.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said, crying. "I'm so, so sorry." He sniffled and sobbed. She wrapped her arms around him and just held him. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she said, patting his head. She knew he loved her. This was just a mistake. Because the boy crying in her arms was her special Josh. "It's okay, babe."