If You Love Me

Epilogue

"That should be the last box," I said as Devin set down the one he was holding. "Everything else I'll grab from Kolleen's tomorrow." He nodded, wiping his forehead. Summer in South Carolina wasn't the ideal time to move, but it just worked out that way. Now that I'd graduated, I found a job on the other side of the city and I was moving into an apartment closer to it. I was grateful Devin and Kolleen were helping me.

"Sounds good," Devin said, slightly out of breath.

Kolleen nodded, reaching for her purse. "I'm gonna go grab some drinks for us," she said. "Want food, too?" Devin and I both shook our heads. "All right, suit yourselves. I'll be back."

Once the door was closed behind her, I realized this was the first time I'd been alone with Devin in a long time. I looked at him, sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. These past two years had been full of so many good memories with him. Even now, I could think of no less than ten things this week he'd done for me because he loves me. Just as he'd said that day in Kolleen's apartment, I never had a reason to doubt his feelings. Also, true to his word, he'd never pressed me for an answer. There were times where I had been frustrated because he had the chance to and never took it, but, in the end, it endeared me all the more.

I'd intended to give him an answer on my graduation day, but we didn't get a moment alone. The whole day we were with our friends, my family, or fellow graduates. I was too self-conscious to try to get him on the side where we could talk, and slightly embarrassed of how long it took me to get to this point. He did tell me to take my time, and I was, but still.

We finally had a few moments alone, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

"Devin," I said. He turned to me. "I'm ready."

His brow furrowed. "I'm not. Let me rest a bit longer and I'll help you out. This heat is killing me."

I shook my head, laughing to myself. Of course he wouldn't understand. I needed to explain what I was talking about. "That day, in her apartment, when you said you loved me for the first time. We agreed I wasn't ready for a relationship. Well, I'm ready now." We slid closer together. He was hanging on my every word and it felt good to know I held all the power in this moment. I'd never had the upper hand like this before. "I love you, Devin. I don't want to ever be without you. I want to spend every day by your side. I want you to propose to me. I want to marry you. I've never wanted anything more than I want to live my life with you. I've never loved anyone more than I love you."

By this point, there were tears rolling down his cheeks and nothing but love in his eyes. "I can't tell you how happy that makes me." He reached out and pulled me to his chest, putting his face in my hair. His tears dampened my scalp. I closed my eyes and let him hold me. Slowly, tentatively, I put my arms around him. After a few silent minutes, I felt him smile. "Would it freak you out if I told you I already had a ring for you?"

"A ring?"

"Mhm. I never doubted that you'd love me back. It was only a matter of time. I won't give it to you yet, but I do have an engagement ring."

I pulled away abruptly. "Yes."

He raised his eyebrows, startled. "It does freak you out?"

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Not at all! Do it whenever you're ready, okay? I'll be waiting."

He snorted and then laughed. It took a moment, but I couldn't help joining in. "I will," he said once we'd calmed down. "I need to get it from my apartment, but I will." He kissed the top of my head. "Should I be worried about the answer?"

"It's going to be a yes, so you shouldn't be."

He pressed one hand to my cheek, gently holding my face. "Can I kiss you?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," I whispered. He slowly leaned in, searching my eyes as he did so. I smiled at him. "It's okay." With a final smile, he leaned in the rest of the way and our lips met in what I can only describe as a tender kiss. It only lasted a couple of seconds before he pulled away slightly. I followed and reconnected our lips in another tender kiss.

It wasn't fireworks like in the stories. There weren't bells ringing in my head or any of that stuff. It wasn't something big. It was a small moment, relatively brief in the grand scheme of things, and it was quiet. All sound left as I found myself wrapped up in how much I felt. After the second kiss, he pulled away and held me to his chest while we waited for Kolleen to return.

However small of a moment or how brief of a time that was, it felt like something huge. It felt like I was finally letting go of all of my past insecurities and pain. It felt both like I was relieved of baggage and like I was filling my heart and mind with so many intense emotions that I could barely contain them and if I wasn't careful, I'd burst.

Eventually, Kolleen came back and, after a while, Devin went home. Kolleen studied me as I nibbled on a fry. "You're glowing," she said.

I was startled as I'd honestly forgotten she was there. "Am I?"

"Yeah. Something good happen while I was gone?"

I couldn't help the outrageous grin on my face. "Yeah, it finally did." I looked at her. "I have something to tell you." I started with the day Devin told me he loved me, and ended with the kiss only a short time earlier.

She was almost in shock. "How come I'm just now hearing this?" she asked, incredulous.

"I wasn't ready to tell you," I said simply. "It was something I needed to do on my own. But I'm telling you now, so that's good, right?"

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess." She stared at a fry for a moment before dropping it and excitedly turning to me. "So, tell me. How was the kiss?"

I laughed. I felt relieved. I'd unknowingly been worried about how she'd react, I supposed. But this was better than I could have hoped for.

For the first time since high school, I felt like I had a good future. I wasn't afraid. I knew I had people that loved me. I was finally beginning my story - my real story. Maybe it wasn't the ideal setup and maybe he wasn't that perfect person that shows up in every good romance, but, to me, he was leagues above any of them. What made it so much better was that he was mine and we'd always be together.

That was so much more than I felt I could ever ask for.

~~~~

Author's Note:

Thank you so much for reading If You Love Me! I appreciate all the votes and comments I received as well as all the support I've gotten.

This was a hard story for me to write at times. I've never personally experienced dating violence so it's something that, even though it's much more common than it should be, I'm not familiar with. That being said, I researched this story on websites dedicated to helping victims.

If someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse or dating violence, please reach out to them. If you are a victim, help can be only a Google search away. There are many websites set up to direct you to help that is appropriate for your situation and to give advice on how you can help others.

Those websites also list signs to look for if you suspect someone is experiencing these things.

Again, thank you for reading!

Hannah <3