If You Love Me

Chapter 8

Back in high school, things felt easy. I was outgoing and friendly to everyone. Everyone loved me. I was easily one of the most popular girls in my grade. I stuck to my friends even when it was inconvenient. I was loved all the more by the students for it.

Kolleen was more popular than me, but then she was much prettier than me. Being half Spanish and half African American, she got along well with nearly all of the students. No one harbored any ill will towards her. In addition, I was known to be fiercely loyal to both her and Josh, so no one dared to say a bad word to anyone about them. She was very active in a lot of school activities, and she was looked up to by many of our underclassmen.

Then there was Josh. He was very kind to everyone, though really shy. When it came to me, he let me see the assertive side of himself. His home life was a mess and he often ended up crying on my shoulder about it. He rarely spent time with anyone outside of our trio, but the students still loved him. When he went out of his way to be nice to them or help them, it endeared him to them.

And to me.

He was one of the best-looking guys in our class, and eventually he became as popular as me and Kolleen. I was completely enamored before the end of our sophomore year.

When senior year rolled around, we pretty much breezed through it. We weren't top of our class, but Josh did manage to snag salutatorian. The future seemed bright for the three of us. We'd stuck it out and we were even going to the same college. It seemed like it wouldn't end and we'd somehow manage to be close to each other even after we went our separate ways.

I never thought things would become so dark for me and Josh. So dark I couldn't see the hand in front of my face before it hit me. So dark that my thoughts left me alone, left me to just take it and take it and take it.

As I walked out of my apartment building that day with Devin, I looked up at the sky. The sun was so bright I wished I had worn sun glasses. But looking at him? There was a different light I felt like I had to shield myself from. A dangerous light that kept drawing me in since I had spoken to him a few days ago. I was afraid of that light, but the fear was different. It was a fear that I didn't want to give in to.

We walked in silence, but it didn't feel awkward. I had forgotten silences like this could exist outside of Kolleen.

When we reached the theater, the relaxed air between us tensed a little. I put my hands in my pockets – or I should say thumbs because, let's face it, girls' jean pockets are basically only for show – and trailed behind Devin to the ticket window. I opened my purse and rummaged around for my wallet until Devin put a hand on my arm.

I instinctively yanked my arm away. He blinked at me before giving me one of his gentle smiles. "I've got it today. You can pay next time, if you'd like," he said.

At the corner of my vision, I could see people had noticed my sudden movements. "I'm sorry," I said quietly.

He shook his head. "Don't apologize. It's a learned behavior." Flashing me one more smile, he turned to the ticket counter.

What was I doing? He wasn't going to hurt me. Plus, the bruises were almost gone. It wasn't like it still hurt for him to touch my arm. Yet, I had reacted that way. I hung my head and submissively followed him into the theater where the movie would be shown.

After we had chosen our seats, I sat next to him. The air felt heavy, full of unsaid things that weighed me down. I peeked up at him. He was sweet when I apologized. He hadn't said anything that wasn't good or nice. Yet I still had a feeling he wasn't being honest with me.