If You Love Me

Chapter 17

"Don't leave campus."

That was what Josh told me.

"Why not?" I asked him.

"Just don't."

That was it.

That was all the reason he gave me.

"How long can I not leave?"

"Until I say."

"What if I need to get something?"

"Kolleen can get it for you."

"But-"

"No buts. You're not leaving campus. End of discussion."

It felt like history was repeating itself.

"Only go to your home, campus, and the store up the road," Devin told me.

I didn't ask why.

I didn't ask for how long.

I didn't want to hear him tell me it's because he says so.

My heart wouldn't be able to take it.

I wanted to believe he was different. I wanted to believe he was a good person. He'd never given me a reason to doubt he really was who I thought until that night.

I was so wrong about Josh. I thought he was a good person. Could I really trust myself this time? Would I make a good decision this time around? Could I really believe that?

Kolleen had waited up for me and tried to ask how the date went since I was two hours late. I couldn't even answer her. I just trudged to my room in silence. The couch squeaked and the floor creaked at she came over to me. I just ignored her as I opened my door.

"Kolleen," I said, turning to her once I was inside. "Only go here, school, and the store up the road."

Her brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Devin said so." I closed and locked my door. Kolleen knocked on my door and demanded more of an explanation, but I just flopped face-first on my bed and buried my face in my pillow.

---

Slowly, a week passed. I was at a loss by the end. Devin had texted me every morning and I gave him generic answers. We didn't meet up at all. Neither of us made a move. I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him in person. What if things went further than this? I couldn't handle that.

As a second week began, he asked me to meet him at our usual place but earlier in the evening. I sent a reply saying I would.

How would it go this time? Would I get more restrictions? I knew there was only one way I was going to find out.

I dressed up like I had last time, and got to the place on time. I sat at our usual table. At the time he said he'd be there, he showed up.

He wasn't wearing his uniform, which I thought was odd. Our eyes met as he walked over to my table. "I want to apologize," he said as he sat. Apologize? That didn't mean much to me anymore. Whenever I was told that, the person kept right on doing whatever they said they were sorry for. They were empty words. "I wish I could tell you why I said what I did last time, but I can't right now."

"That's fine." I forced what I was sure looked like a real smile. After all, I'd had a lot of practice. "Don't worry about it."

He studied me for a long moment before nodding once. I could tell from the small gesture that he was unsure if I was telling the truth, but I was grateful he was letting it go. Other than that, our date went well. We fell back into our old routine and things felt normal. At the end I was beginning to wonder if maybe he did have a legit reason for confining me. I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.