If You Love Me

Chapter 16

After our movie ended, things were kind of awkward. Even though I knew things would be, I just had to say it. He was kind and everything I could ask for in a best friend.

We sat in silence for a long moment. Devin kept his gaze on the TV. "Devin," I said quietly. "I appreciate everything you've done to help me. You don't know how much it means to me to have someone on my side that unconditionally supports me without telling me what I should or shouldn't have done. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Kolleen, too, because she tells me how it is, but thank you."

He shook his head, still not looking at me. "You deserve it." His voice sounded strained. He stood and turned his back to me. "You deserve a lot of good things, Jes." He smiled at me over his shoulder before walking to the kitchen. "I should probably go."

"Want to hang out tomorrow?" I asked hurriedly.

"I work the night shift tomorrow, so the usual spot at the usual time." He reached for the doorknob but abruptly turned to me instead. His eyes searched mine. I wasn't sure what they were looking for, but I hoped they found it. "Are you asking me on a date?" he mumbled.

I suppressed a shiver. Date was the last word I wanted to use, but there was no denying it. A date was exactly what it was. I gave a single nod that was so slight I wasn't sure if he'd even notice it. "Calling it a date is kind of..." I shrugged a little. "But yeah." I found I couldn't look at him. My face felt like it was red and hot.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jes," he said, a smile in his voice.

Once the door was closed behind him, I sank to the floor. Why was this so hard?

Kolleen's door creaked as it opened and I made myself stand up. "I did it," I told her.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Did what?"

"I asked him out."

She gasped the slightest bit and ran to hug me. "I'm so proud of you! See? I knew he liked you."

"I know." Truthfully, I wasn't sure she should have been proud of me. I briefly hugged her back before pulling away. "I'm going to go to my room. I have a lot of homework to do." She should wait to be proud of me when I manage to get through the date.

While I was trying to get my work done, I couldn't concentrate. I kept imagining what could possibly happen. He could try to kiss me. I could show up wearing the wrong thing. We could end up being silent for the whole time we're there, just eating and trying not to stare at each other. Things were normally comfortable around us, but this was a date. Our first date. It shouldn't change things too much, but I was fairly certain it would.

Eventually, I gave up trying to get anything done and settled for watching random videos on YouTube. At some point I ended up falling asleep, because the next thing I knew my alarm was going off.

After school, I tried to get myself ready for the date, but no matter what I did, I had a feeling I was doing too much. Whether it was wearing fresh makeup, actually putting on a skirt, or leaving the jeans but wearing a cuter top, I wasn't satisfied.

At some point, I gave up and went to get Kolleen's advice. I banged on her door. "Kol! I need you!"

She glanced up from her laptop. "Sure thing." She looked at me and nodded. "You look nice."

"I redid my makeup and changed. Does it look okay?"

She frowned. "It looks fine. You look like you're going on a date. I mean, that's what it is, so." She gave me a shrug and looked at her laptop again.

"But does it look like I'm trying too hard?"

She sighed and turned to me after moving her computer to the side. "Jes, look. Redoing your makeup is a normal thing to do. Changing your clothes is normal. Do you look nicer than half the times you've been together? Yes. Trust me, he won't complain. You could show up in sweats and he'd be happy, I'm sure. He would appreciate you like this more, but still. It's okay to be nervous. He probably is too."