If You Love Me

Chapter 4

I've never been particularly strong. Working out was always pretty low on my list of priorities. Sports was out of the question. I needed someone else to open my sodas half the time. I usually needed someone else to open jars for me. I've never learned self-defense. I never took any martial arts classes. I wasn't even sure I knew how to throw a punch, more because I never had to than anything else.

Maybe that was how Josh could do things to me so easily. I couldn't fight back. I was an easy mark. He didn't worry about me going and telling anyone, either, because I was also mentally weak when it came to him. I wasn't the kind to tattle on anyone as a kid. That carried over into my adult life and he knew it.

That was how, when he lunged at me, I knew something bad was about to happen to me. It was a feeling deep in my bones. I'd known something like that was coming for a long time. As things faded to black, my only thoughts were about whether I'd wake up or not.

---

"She's coming around!" someone shouted above me. "Jes! Jes! Wake up! Come on!" The distant sounds got closer and I recognized Kolleen's voice.

"Kol," I muttered. My head was throbbing, as was nearly every part of my body.

"She's coming to!" Kolleen shouted again. I winced. It felt as if her voice drove itself through my head. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but I wasn't expecting anyone besides Josh or maybe Sara.

"Oh, thank God," Sara said.

I opened one eye and squinted. Kolleen's face slowly came into focus. "Whahappmed?" I slurred.

"What?" Sara asked.

"Jes, you were out cold on your room's floor," Kolleen told me.

"Wherjsh?" I slurred again.

"Josh isn't here," Kolleen said adamantly. "He will not be coming near you for the rest of the night. Don't worry about him."

It didn't feel like the floor. I moved my hands and felt my bed sheets. "Mabed?"

"Yes, Sara and I moved you. What even happened?"

I tried to shake my head, but it just made it throb even more. What did happen? I remembered Josh and him lunging at me, but after that... I moaned. "Josh," I said.

"I knew it," Kolleen said sadly. "I had a feeling it was his fault. I never should have left you here alone. I should have stayed with you. Maybe this wouldn't have happened." I felt something on my side and cracked an eye open. She was gripping my sheets with both hands and had her face against my side. "It's my fault."

I pat her head. "Itsnot," I said. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten beaten so bad if she had been here, but she would have gotten hurt, too, if she hadn't left.

She leaned over me and checked my eyes. "You've definitely got a concussion though." She sat back in the chair. "I wish I could go give Josh a concussion right about now," she muttered. "Anyway, do you want to go to the hospital? You really should, you know."

I sat straight up. "No!" I gripped my head and leaned forward. It was the worst headache I'd ever had and moving around didn't make it any better. I really regretted sitting up.

"You need to make sure you don't have bleeding in your brain-"

"I'm not going," I said through gritted teeth. "I will not go there."

"I don't want to lose you, either." Kolleen crossed her arms. "If you don't get checked out, and you have that, you're going to die. Sorry for wanting to make sure you're okay."