If You Love Me

Chapter 13

I'd never set foot in a courtroom. No one in my family ever had a need to. That's why I was curious about the inside and how things went down, but I wished I could've visited under better circumstances. But, as it was, I still didn't attend the whole thing.

Josh was on trial for two days, and I was set to testify at the beginning of the first day. Nervous, I came a little earlier than I needed to. There was a bench in the hallway that I sat on and watched as people began to trickle into the open room.

A uniformed officer approached me. I began to stand but then I recognized Devin. I smiled at him. "You came," I said, resettling and sliding over so he'd have room.

He sat beside me and nodded at the officer that was standing nearby. "Of course. I'm planning on being in the courtroom when you're up there."

I tried to smile, but failed. "I'm actually scared."

He brushed my shoulder and I felt tingles from the light touch. "Look at me." I turned to him. He smiled. "I meant when you're up there. When you get scared or nervous, find me in the crowd and look at me. Imagine we're in your kitchen and you're telling all of it to me. Okay?" As I nodded, he rested his hand on my shoulder. "You don't have anything to worry about." He removed his hand and entered the room.

I sighed as I watched him go. Knowing he was in the audience made it worse, but it also made it better. He was the one I knew was on my side, even if no one else was. I wasn't too sure how I knew, but I did. It almost felt like a given.

Not too long later, Kolleen came with my parents. I wished I could have escaped, but by the time I saw them coming it was too late. My mother was already calling out to me. I stood and she wrapped me in a crushing hug. It brought tears to my eyes. This was why I wanted to escape. I didn't want to speak with red-rimmed, puffy eyes in front of the entire courtroom.

Behind my mom, a couple caught my eye. I recognized Josh's parents immediately. His mom was crying and holding a tissue near her face. His dad had his arm lovingly around her. They glanced at me and both of them stopped.

I released my mom and walked over to them. "Jessie," his mom said through hiccupping sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm so sor-" Her words dissolved as a fresh wave of tears overtook her.

Josh's dad held her a little closer and whispered something in her ear, which made her nod. He smiled at me. "Jessie, honey, we wish we'd have known what was happening," he said. His soft voice was just this side of comforting. "We would have put an end to it if we had."

"It will be okay," I told them. "It's neither of your faults. It's all Josh's. Please don't beat yourselves up."

He gave me a small smile and guided his wife into the room. Devin caught my eye as I was turning back to my parents. He was watching with an uneasy expression. When he realized I was looking, he turned his back to me.

Odd.

---

My footsteps echoed in the silent hallway. I had no idea what was being said in that room. At that moment, both sides were giving their opening remarks. Still, it felt like it was forever. I couldn't take sitting. I felt restless. I hadn't slept at all the night before and I was beginning to feel it. Despite my best efforts, I was on the verge of freaking out.

The door opened and I would have sworn my heart stopped. "They're ready," an officer said. The officer with me nodded and I worked hard to get my breathing under control as my heart began racing.

I could feel every eye in the room on me as I walked to the stand. It was nerve-wracking. I was terrified of what I was about to say and how it would be received.