Hidden secrets

/31/

China

"You're getting out of here in a few days?" Mom asked, "Are you sure you're ready?"

"I'm ready and I'll be okay." I smiled. I looked at my dad who had been nothing but quiet since I got here, "Why aren't you saying anything?"

"I just want what's best for you." He spoke up. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"So you think what's best for me is to be locked up in Rehab? Why does that not surprise me." I rolled my eyes.

"I just think that three weeks isn't long enough to be here! You have yet again went on Instagram-"

"You want me to lie to everyone and tell them I was doing okay?" I snapped at him. Mrs. Rice started to tense up.

"I just think-"

"Dad. No offense but I don't care what you think anymore. I'm almost eighteen and I went to rehab without being forced to this time."

"I've always wanted what was best for you." He sighed.

"I feel like I've been over this. Sending me to rehab and cutting me off for almost two years is not what was best for me. I needed my family because I still had things to get through. I was bullied constantly and the only people I could turn to rely on was my manager and Booboo."

"I wish I could've been there." Dad spoke softly.

"What about now? You haven't reached out since those pictures got released. You said you would promise to be better and you haven't picked up the phone to call me!" My voice got shaky as I was furious, "Mom has reached out. My sisters have reached out. Gabe- my sixteen year old brother has been here three times- he flew to the other side of the country for me."

"I'm not perfect, China." Dad started off, "and I'm sorry, but I just feel disappointed and I feel that our relationship will never be the same." He admitted.

"Can you not try?" I begged, "our relationship doesn't have to be the same, but I want a relationship with my father. I want to be able to grow some more and ask you for advice! I want to have children someday and for you to be a grandfather and I want you to walk me on my wedding today whenever that will be." I cried, "Dad! Please just try." I begged.

"May I ask what's bothering you?" Mrs. Rice chimed.

"What do you mean? Dad asked.

"China has apologized and you've forgiven her but you can't look at her, talk to her or be near her. I would like to know why?" Mrs. Rice questioned.

"Me too." Mom spoke up, "I want to know what's bothering you."

Dad made eye contact with me. The first time in almost two years he could look at me without breaking it within seconds.

"You were my little girl." He started off, "I found out that my little girl started sleeping with anybody that looked your way, you were on your way to overdosing and you hurt the people you cared about most." Dad shook his head, "Where did I go wrong as a parent?"

"You didn't do anything wrong as a parent, Dad. It was all me. I abused the privacy that I had and I'm so sorry."

"You never came around the family and it took me so long to realize." Dad replied. I went quiet as I looked at Mrs. Rice. She was the only one I told besides Cameron about my uncle but to this day I will always say that is not the reason why I went wild. Mrs. Rice gave me a reassuring smile. I didn't have to speak up if I didn't want too.

"Dad-" I started off, "it wasn't anything you did. I promise you." I sighed.

"Then What was it?" He asked. Mom made direct sad eye contact with me. Did she know?

"Uncle." Mom said quietly. My heart dropped and I looked at Mrs. Rice and stood up quickly.

"You knew?" I questioned, "You didn't help or say anything?"

"I knew after he was arrested." Mom informed me.

"Arrested?" I questioned.

"Uncle was arrested last year for raping underage girls." Dad shook his head, "How did you know afterwards?"

"He was always touchy with China and China always did her best to stay away from him."

"It didn't work." I sighed and shook my head, "It was nothing you did, Dad. People have different ways of coping."

"Are you saying that going wild was your way of coping?" He questioned. I looked at Mrs. Rice. I told her and Cameron that wasn't why but saying it out loud to my family.. it's real.

"Yeah." I shook my head, "I was depressed and wanted to feel loved. Wanted attention and I- oh my god." I broke down, "I'm sorry."

Mom, Dad and Mrs. Rice pulled me into a hug. It took me so long to feel loved and to be okay. I'm okay now. I know what I want and what I need.

"We love you and we promise we will be better." Dad kissed my forehead, "we're going to move back to L.A for you, okay?"

"Okay." I smiled while crying. My family is complete and my heart is whole. This is what I needed to move forward.