Hidden secrets

/25/

China

Boo❤️
Chi..
Boo ❤️
No one has heard from you in two days..
Boo ❤️
Open the door. What if Kenny fires you?

Freckles/baby 😍
Let someone know you're okay please. No one is mad we're just worried. Let us help you please..

Freckles/baby 😍
Chi, if you don't open up the door in the next hour we are getting a key or breaking the door down. Please let us in.

I could hear them outside the door. They've been banging and pleading but I don't want to talk to anyone. I haven't slept, I haven't had anything to eat and I haven't showered. I could hear all the whispers and I feel like I heard them all cry at least once. I felt awful but I couldn't face them.

"China?" I heard a familiar voice from outside the door, "It's Gabe, Cameron called me. It's okay, Mom and Dad don't know just open up the door." Gabe pleaded.

"It's just you right?" I responded quietly.

"It's just me." He replied. I opened up the door to see a sad look his face. I closed the door quickly once he came in, "Don't shut people out." Gabe pleaded.

"I don't mean too." I sighed, "I wish I had a different life." I confessed.

"A different life? China, you always wanted to be an actress, a singer.. you are living your dream."

"If I would've had a normal life I- I wouldn't be struggling not to drink, or pop some pills. I wouldn't be depressed. I wouldn't have to carry around the guilt of hurting others."

"You can't blame yourself."

"Who else can I blame? It was me who went to that party and gave into peer pressure. It was me who slept with so many people. All of it was me. I let thomas get into my head and started drinking. That was me." I shook my head from keeping the tears from falling.

"What do you want to do?"

"I will never have a normal life, but I have the responsibility of other kids looking up to me. I have to own who I am. I have to get help. I have to learn to let people love me, to let Cameron love me."

"How do you plan on taking responsibility?" Gabe asked.

"You sound like my therapist." I giggled.

"That's What little brothers are for." Gabe pointed out.

"I guess I'm going to make an Instagram post and take ownership. Get into rehab after filming is over, which i really don't have that much left to film. I did all my big scenes so a week probably?"

"I love you." Gabe pulled me in for a hug, "I support you and so do the people who are waiting outside your door. I feel like I even saw your therapist."

"My therapist?" I questioned.

"Yeah, Boo, Bri, Cameron, Dove and your therapist."

"Um.. Can you see if my therapist is out there? I want to bring people in one by one?"

"Of course." Gabe smiled. He peeped his head outside the window and motioned for someone to come inside. Hoping it was Mrs. Rice and I wasn't let down.

"China." She smiled.

"Hi." I took a deep breath, "I wanted to run an idea by you."

"Of course."

"I think I want to be honest with my fan base around me and talk about my recent struggles. I also want to check into rehab after I'm done filming here."

"What made you decide this? Was it you?" She asked Gabe.

"It wasn't Gabe. It was me even though Gabe has been a major support system in the 15 minutes he's been here."

"It's true. I'm a good brother." Gabe added on which made Mrs rice chuckle.

"Alright, I think it's a good idea. I can transfer to L.A after filming and be your therapist in rehab?"

"I would love that!" I smiled. Mrs. Rice makes me feel comfortable and I'm glad she suggested to follow me out to rehab.

"So, if I may ask. What happened?"

"I let Thomas Doherty get in my head. He kept making remarks about me being a baby momma and then handed me a few beers. I gave in and ever since I want to drink some more." I admitted.

"Did you try to ignore him?"

"I tried but it was hard. Thomas and I have history also and he knows all of my secrets. It's hard to ignore someone who throws your mistakes in your face." I admitted.

"Can I ask you a question, Chi?" Gabe interrupted.

"Yeah." I smiled.

"Why didn't you keep the baby?" He asked. My smiled faded as I didn't really have an answer I felt like people would understand.

"I was 15, Gabe and the man that I slept with was in his late thirties and it was Bri's dad." I sighed.

"Holy shit." Gabe murmured, "Nevermind."

"It's okay to ask me things, Okay? I feel that's a way to cope is to talk about it."

"Have you ever felt like having a sit down conversation with Thomas to confront him?" Mrs. Rice suggested.

"I don't need Thomas's approval. I don't care about him enough."

"You care enough to give into drinking." Gabe pointed out.

"Yeah." I paused, "but what would sitting down with him do? Make me angrier." I pointed out.

"Maybe hes angry with you also." Mrs. Rice suggested.

"Angry with me?" I questioned.

"Maybe he blames you for everything ending with Dove."

"He can't just blame me, that's all on him also."

"I think you can't go to rehab if you don't confront your demons." Mrs. Rice pointed out, "But first, we need to start with you taking a shower. You smell rough."

"I didn't want to say anything but I agree." Gabe added on.

"Thanks." I giggled, "be back soon." I smiled while running to the bathroom. Ooof. They were right.