forever // thai bL oneshots ✓

gone - offgun

everything had gone quiet for a split second in my life.

dishes were piling up on the sink, food got rotten, and the bed not sunken by my side.

i couldn't process anything in my mind, the door opened to see my manager walking in with the third dish of the day.

she took the last one that remained untouched, "you have to eat, off. tomorrow's your interview day, please."

i nodded my head and looked over at the omelet rice on my nightstand, i took the plate and placed it on my lap.

the crumbling sound in my stomach was screaming for food, my body's dying, but my soul was already dead with him.

i took a spoonful, but immediately spat it out. tears rolled down my eyes, throwing the plate on the floor, i muffled my sobs into my palms.

i don't like it.

i don't want it.

the door flew open to reveal tay rushing into the room, "off!" he looked over at the shattered plate and food all over the floor, he knelt down by my side of the bed.

"what's wrong na?" i couldn't hold it in as he brought me into a hug, my hands around him and my mouth was free, i screamed.

trying to let go of the pain, but it didn't.

"there there......off....please don't be like this, i'll bring you another plate, okay?" tay released his arms around me but i pulled him back.

"n-no!!! no!! i'll eat when i see gun bring it in by himself!!" i yelled, my mind was above the clouds as i tried to picture him bringing in a plate of his dish, like he always did.

"off....he's gone....you need to learn to let go.....please, people around you are as devastated as you are. you haven't met your fans for weeks, babii's are--"

"n-no-- stop! babii's not alive anymore, there's no babii when he's not h-here......"

i couldn't contain the sobs as tay brought me into another hug, he knew how broken i was, i have never been this broken before.

losing gun is my worst nightmare.

it was supposed to be our anniversary dinner, he called me numerous times to make sure i was on my way to the hotel.

only to arrive with a fire blazing throughout the building where we're supposed to be in, the chef didn't check the leaking gas.

i got off the car to see people screaming and running out of the building, i looked everywhere for gun, but he was not around.

"p-p'gun's still inside!!"

someone yelled, time just seemed to stop as i ran towards the lobby, only for the windows to break and the entire building exploded.

the fire fighters came and they managed to put down the fire, i remembered seeing myself screaming to my manager to look for gun.

i was hoping him to come with minor burns, but what i got was a burnt body.

i couldn't recognize it, it was jet black, but then one of the fire fighters handed me a rolex. the mickey mouse rolex i bought him years ago as a gift.

"g-g-gun...?!" the fire fighter brought him down on a bag as i looked down to see him being zipped into a body bag.

cameras started flashing all around me as paparazzis took pictures, the news went viral throughout thailand and babiis mourned with me.

i attended his funeral, but my vision was too hazy as i broke down several times.

gun's gone, my gun's gone.

days after that were not the same anymore, there were no more kisses on my neck, my face. no more hugs, there wasn't a 170 cm tall man screaming my name as he ran towards me.

i miss it, i miss his lips, his eyes, his kisses, his hugs, his cooks.

i miss him, so much, too much.

it was all my fault for not taking those times for granted, now i can't turn back the time to when those things still exist.

"it was all my fault..."

tay slowly loosen his arms around me as he meet my eyes, "what?" he asked.

"i didn't love him enough, i didn't take care of him, i-i should've told him how important he is to me all those years ago. yet i....tried to push him away-"

the entire night was just filled with my agonizing screams and sobs all night, tay tried to cope with it but he couldn't stand seeing me in so much pain.

arm came in with new, new took tay away and arm sat by me with a plate of omelet.

"off, i know...you miss him, but starving yourself isn't going to bring him back...please just have a bite."

i refused and tilted my head away.

"off, gun loves you, he really does. do you think he's happy seeing you like this?" arm asked, i looked back at him.

he took a spoonful and placed it by my mouth as i opened it and took a bite. my stomach was craving for more as i snatched the plate, only to gag in between.

the omelet doesn't taste the same as what gun made, it's too salty.

i finished it anyway and arm left, i walked towards the bathroom and looked at my reflection.

dark circles under my eyes, eye bags visible under the light, and my boney figure.

everything just seemed so wrong, but i could care less. my body's dying and my soul is already dead with him, nothing matters anymore.

i sat down on the bathtub, looking up onto the ceiling and let the water from the tap run.

"tay....arm....everyone....i'm sorry.."

i slowly sliced my arm inch by inch, every drop of blood and every skin tears were painless for me as my focus was on being with the love of my life who's not with me.

"gun......"

i started to lose my energy from the amount of bloodloss, i started to think i was hallucinating, only to see gun standing beside me, reaching out his hand.

"papii, let's go home."

i reached out to him and everything went black.

only the vivid sight of tay shaking my lifeless body and arm frantically calling an ambulance rang through my ear, everything didn't matter anymore.

a tear rolled down my eye as i closed my eyes, and fell asleep forever.

--

chimon: "oih....so sad na kha....my mae's gone-"

gun: "alai na? i'm still here, p'author's messing with us, this is just a story."

off: "p'author...you're too mean khaa~...."

--

earth: "please give p'author some love by voting <3 or else i'm taking fluke away with me."

ohm & kao: "....huh-?"