The True Alpha // jjk

23: Changes

A/N: rewritten due to changes in writing style

 After that door closed, nor Hani or Jungkook said a word. Both were trapped in their own thoughts, lost in the swirl of their own conscience. They just stayed in silence, in each other's arms, as Jungkook's breathing softly fanned her skin from time to time. Hani wasn't complaining, she enjoyed being in silence when she shared it with him. Yet, she hated seeing him mute and confused, opposing to his usual cheerful self. To be honest, she was still too shaken up herself. She had just found out she almost died. How was she supposed to push all those emotions aside and comfort Jungkook? How could Jungkook comfort Hani when his whole perception of himself has changed? Both were emotionally unavailable, they knew that. And they knew that it would be too selfish for one of them to ask the other to prioritize their own thoughts and emotions over their partner's. Still, they couldn't just stand there in silence and not share what weighted on their hearts, it wasn't healthy for Hani or for Jungkook or for their relationship.

"Hey"

She decided by speaking out first, her voice still weak from everything that had happened. Jungkook lazily removed his face from its previous spot, nuzzled in Hani's neck, to look at her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Her voice was laced with fear, perhaps hesitation. Hani didn't want to force him to open up, still she couldn't ignore her worry and preoccupation for him. Jungkook's eyes were tired, she could tell. Tired of everything the day had made him endure.

"There's not much to talk about..." Hesitantly, the Alpha spoke. "I mean, not much that I would like to talk about"

Was all he said before he closed his eyes, probably wanting to get some sleep. She nodded her head, accepting that there wasn't much that she could do right now. He needed space to think and heal, she respected that. Hani just didn't want him to lock himself away from her; she didn't want him to hide.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

His question threw her off, the girl was not expecting it. It made her question if she wanted to talk about her "near death experience", or about their bond or about him. Hani couldn't understand to what lengths she could rant about the topics without indirectly triggering him to do the same. Everything in her life was connected to his, somehow. Similarly, to how all rivers, eventually, arrive at the same place.

"I don't know... There's a lot in my head right now. It's just..." Jungkook opened slightly his eyes to look at her, to try and read her emotions. "I don't know where to start"

"From the simple part, how do you feel?"

Tenderly, Jungkook gazed at her and his body shifted so that it would be facing hers, so that their eyes could be diving deep and strongly into one another. Hani took a deep breath and following his advices, a tsunami of words fell from her mouth, a rumble of emotions and lines that made no sense even to her, the one who pronounced them.

"I feel lost and disconnect from myself if that makes sense. I almost died but I didn't realize it... it's disturbing to think about that. I just remember feeling cold and numb, like when your legs start tingling and trembling after being motionless for hours but it was my whole body who did it. Even my lungs and my heart felt numb. It was like ... they were waiting for someone to shake them and wake them up. And then when I woke up, I was so confused, and everyone looked so worried and I felt so bad. I know there was no way I could avoid what happened, still I can't help but feel bad. A-and then everything concerning you and us, and so many new things that we found out about... I'm just so overwhelmed. I wish... I wish I hadn't agreed to come with my father. None of this would happen. I wouldn't go through a near death experience, I wouldn't have to worry you, you wouldn't have to find out about everything... things would just be as they had been the past few days. Normal and uneventful."