Guarded Heart (The GH Series)

Chapter Forty-Nine

"Babe??" Ashley's voice brought me back out of my head space that I went into.

"Hmm? Sorry."

"As long as you're okay, that is all that matters." I can hear her worry in her tone.

"I am fine. Where was I?"

"You said that I don't realise how much you love me."

"I don't think you do." I was building up to reveal my heart to Ashley.

"Do you care to explain? Or are you going to leave me hanging here?"

"Well, as long as you don't say anything until I l let you know I am finished with what I need to say. I need you to promise me babe." I'm trying to ignore my heart thundering in my chest and echoing in my head.

"I promise you."

"Okay..." I whispered down the phone and then let out a long sigh. "After Amanda, I convinced myself that I wasn't allowed to feel as happy as I was back then with her.

Please, do not think for one minute, that I am comparing you both, because I really am not.

But you, despite the drama..." I let out a chuckle. "you have brought so much love and light into my life; I don't think I will ever truly be able to explain it.

You are my first thought every morning when I wake up and my last thought before I go to sleep. You are the beacon of light that shone and brought me back from the darkness, to allow me to rediscover who I truly am, without judgment.

I honestly cannot wait to move completely back to Glasgow and move in with you Ashley. I can't wait to see what life we can build, together.

So, Ashley, after all of my rambling it boils down to this. I am completely and utterly in love with you and I hope that it will be forever."

My mouth is dry. That was nerve wracking to get out and it's all very well being intimate with someone and showing love in that way, but intimacy isn't always about love. It's about the desire and need to be with that person.

Basically, sometimes, verbal diarrhoea helps you explain what someone means to you. Big tip though, don't tell anyone that I called it verbal diarrhoea, I just spout my mouth off and sometimes ramble without thinking.

"I'm done. I need a drink." There was silence still over the phone after I took a drink. "Ashley?"

"I'm here. I fell asleep. What did you say?"

"What...?" Oh, bloody hell. I opened up and she never heard a damn word I said.

"I'm just kidding babe. You rendered me speechless, I am, well, speechless."

"For fucks sake Ash!! A taste of my own medicine. It shows that you have been hanging out with me too much. My heart was in my throat here!!" I laughed and let out a sigh of relief.

"I know it takes a lot for you to be open, even if it hurts you. But I'm in love with you too. So much so, I am scared."

"Why scared?"

"I've never felt so intensely about a person before, so it's a new experience for me." I never thought of it that way before, especially if it's the first time you have ever genuinely loved someone.

"I can understand that. Love it is a scary thing. It's giving your entire being to someone who might now even reciprocate your feelings back."

"Well, don't doubt it anymore babe. You and I are in this together, thick and thin and through the good and the bad. I can't wait to have you here, on the plus side, I should be done by Saturday."

I laughed. "Oh, wow. I rocked your world that much, I made you bleed out."

"Funny, but you can be so gross at times Cal."

My eyes fluttered shut and I could listen to Ashley talk to me all night if I weren't so damn tired. "I hate to do this, but I'm going to go. I need sleep."

"Same here. Sweet dreams babe, I love you."

"I love you too..."

***

Ashley

Putting my phone on charge, I smile happily to myself. That conversation with Callie just now, literally made me feel like my heart was going to jump out of my chest.

Looking at the picture of us on my bedside cabinet, my smile grew wider. I hadn't told Callie that I had actually taken annual leave this week. Yes, I could have stayed in Dornoch, but it would have been highly rude of me taking a lift from Fiona and then not returning with her.

I have this plan in my head and I'm heading back up to Dornoch on Wednesday on the coach. I've also booked a wee bed and breakfast near the girls.

So, when it comes to the final goodbye to Amanda on Thursday, I am going to show my girl some support and thank Amanda personally for bringing Callie into my life.

It's just something I need to do, something I want to do. There is this pull that I can't explain, and I know that I have to be there. I just hope that Callie will understand and not freak out that I am there.