Your Love is Unkind

First times

As he led me by the hand, I couldn't help but grin. To be completely honest, no one really knew I was gay. And I had never had a boyfriend, but I didn't care who saw us.

Subin was the first real guy to catch my attention. Usually I would drool over men on T.V and like once in middle school a boy hit on me, but I was a little confused on sexuality back then.

My mind went wild thinking of all the possibilities and future plans.

Would he consider going on a date ? Would he be the first guy I kissed ? Would his lips be as soft as I imagined them ? Would he want to go further ?

Suddenly Subin came to an abrupt stop and spins around to catch the stupid look on my face. And he responds by giving me the same stupid look back.

"We're here," He announces happily. "This is my favorite spot, no one ever wants to come here, we can leave if you want." He awaits my answer, almost ready to be disappointment and I can't bring myself to break his heart.

"You're an Idiot," I break the silence and let go of his hand . "You're extra adorable when you say stupid things."

His face turns sour and he snaps back, "No, you're stupid." Just like a child. Without hesitation, I placed my hand on Subin's warm rosie cheeks. "I meant it in a good way Subin, you can be my idiot."

And instead of pulling away like I expected him to, he continued to lay his tender face on my hand. Waiting for me to say anything else. Waiting to be loved on.

And that's when I knew Subin was something special. And I just wanted to love him, I just needed to learn how to love.