unburdened

chapter 40

Two days later he did return to the house. 

She was on the couch when he came in.  He could tell immediately her guard was back in place.  She was embarrassed that he now knew her darkest secrets and was waiting for him to use that against her.

He shook his head at that thought.  She did not know him at all.

Lyra had awakened the morning after the talk with Jungkook, hoping he would be back so they could talk. 

He had been so kind last night.  He made her vividly remember why she wanted to get closer to him in the first place. 

But then he withdrew from her and isolated himself again.  He almost never came home from the office, and when he did, he was excruciatingly polite.

She had been right.  Now that he knew the truth about her, he saw her differently.  Now she was just a case to be solved. 

He did ask Mrs Lee to stop by once a week.  It became the highlight of her week to visit with the older woman. 

He also asked Mrs Lee to talk to her about her design projects and bring her things to work with.  That alone became her comfort in the lonely days to come.

In the middle of all this SongDae returned and JK had a brief hope that things would return to normal for all of them.

But then something major happened between Jin, Dae and NamJoon.  Jungkook did not understand exactly what happened but pressure seemed to ease on the company and everyone seemed much happier. 

Everyone but Jin.  Jungkook watched his friend spiral further away from the man he used to be. 

He set himself to work even harder to fit the puzzle pieces together.

Slowly Lyra's information was analyzed.  Her phone and laptop had been in the lab for weeks.  The encryption was sophisticated and had been frustrating as hell.

The apartment had become strained.  Lyra stayed in her room often.  They took their meals separately. 

New government contracts had been added and his workload was crushing. 

Lyra grew worried about him. When she did see him, she could tell he was not sleeping.  She would catch him standing in front of the refrigerator eating.  She did not know the last time he had a proper meal.

She started having Mrs. Lee show her how to cook simple things for him to eat. 

She prepared food for him and left small notes.  It seemed he always found it.  He started leaving scribbles and notes in return.  At first it was “thank you" and then he started drawing simple cartoons for her.

She noticed he started signing the notes with a stylized JK like she had used at the office.  He had noticed. 

She felt embarrassment and pride mingled.  It must mean he liked it.  He was looking at her work and notes, probably every day, trying to make sense of the mess she was in.

She began to look forward to his scribbles, saving each one in her bedside table.  It might be silly, but it was like having him close to her as she slept.

One night he actually came home early as she finished one of the dishes.  She heard him groan at the smells from the kitchen as soon as he came in the door.  He followed his nose and was surprised as he saw her putting the dish on the counter.

“What’s this?  Did I just miss Mrs. Lee?” he asked, looking around.

Lyra was busy setting plates on the counter.  She turned to smile at him and had his heart banging against his chest.

He could see the pride in her face as she fixed him a huge serving of one of his favorites.

“No, Mrs. Lee comes tomorrow,” she answered.

“Wait….” He said around a mouthful of food,” you made this?”

She laughed at his expression.” Yes!  Just like I have been making all the dishes for you lately,” she answered.

Then he saw the hint of hurt bloom in her eyes.

“Oh, you thought Mrs. Lee made them,” she whispered. 

He did not understand why she suddenly seemed so downcast.

Then he looked at her, wearing a cute apron, her hair pulled back and her sleeves rolled up. 

Of course, she had made this.  And looking back, the meals had been frequent.  Mrs. Lee was only there once a week. There was no way she could have made them all.

“Lyra,” he said softly, touching her hand.  He sighed in relief when she did not pull away.” You made all of them.  Every night I came in here hungry, you made all that delicious food!  It was so good.  I am sorry.  Thank you.!”

Lyra nodded and smiled, blinking back the tears.  It was silly.  The notes were still meaningful, right? 

Suddenly she found that she had lost her appetite.

“It's ok, everything is fine,” she said in a rush, taking off the apron, tidying the kitchen, anything to avoid how awkward she felt.

“Enjoy your meal, I have to….uhh, I need to….” She was fumbling with what to say.  She just wanted to crawl in her bed and cry herself to sleep.

“Lyra, please don’t go, please eat with me,” he asked. 

She was so very tempted, but in the end, she refused, mumbling something about having already eaten.

He sat in the silence and ate the food she made for him, wishing things were like before when she would smile at him and blush and make those tiny sounds that drove him mad.

They had already planned to take Tae out and get him drunk tonight or he would stay home and try to get her to talk to him. 

He thought about her the whole time he cleaned the kitchen and as he was getting ready to go out. 

The information he was gathering in the investigation was always tumbling in his mind. 

Maybe it was time to give it a rest and try to move on with his life, their lives.

He had a feeling that no matter how this investigation turned out, he would long to come home to this place and have Lyra fix his dinner and then kiss him crazy when they were done.

He stopped by her door on his way out and gently knocked.

He heard muffled sounds and then the door opened.  She looked so adorable in her pajamas and her hair tumbling everywhere. He so wanted to run his hands through it to straighten it. 

Then he saw her face.  She was trying to hide it, but she had been crying.  He did reach to touch her then, but she backed away from him into the shadows of her room.

That simple gesture cut him.  She was still mad at him and he had no idea how to repair that.

“I didn’t mean to bother you.  I am sorry.  I just wanted you to know, I'm going out and will be late coming in tonight,” he hesitated, he wanted to say so much more.

“So…thank you again for the dinner.  It was really, really good.”

Hearing no response, he backed away “ok…well, Goodnight then.”

Hearing no response, he left, thinking the drinking part of this evening was going to be a snap.

After she heard the door click, she hurried out.  To what? Stop him? Ask him not to go? 

Then she realized that tonight was the first time since “the fight" that he had told her about his plans.

She wandered the apartment, noting he had cleaned the kitchen spotless. 

She almost missed it, but when she turned to leave, she saw the note on the counter.  He had taken her name and interwoven the letters until it matched the design she had made for him.

Under that he had simply written
“I miss you".

She carefully took the paper and put it in her bedside drawer.

She grabbed a pillow and a blanket and settled on the couch. 

He said he would be late. 

This time he didn’t say “don’t wait up”.

She would be waiting.

Y'all!! I am honestly stupidly ridiculously excited happy to share these next several chapters with you! Seriously, some of my favorite ever written!! I can't wait to share and see what you think!!

But now?? JK is on a mission to get Tae drunk and get him to spill the beans about Dae's whereabouts!! Remember??
Aghhhhhh!!!!