It hurts to love you (Billie Joe Armstrong)

Forgive and Forget

We finally arrived back at the apartment and Billie instantly crashed on the couch. He still had some dried-up blood on his lip. I went to the bathroom, grabbed a towel, and wet it a bit. I walked towards the couch where Billie was almost passed out and took it upon myself to clean up the blood. But he flinched and yank the towel from my hand. With a cold glare he said.

"I got it." And cleaned up his fat lip

I thought there was no point to make amends and I wish there were something I can do to make this all go away. Even if it was just a quick fix. I can stand having to see him leave while we are on such shitty terms.

My head was pounding so I went to the kitchen and grabbed some aspirin and water. Billie got up from the couch and took one as well. There was nothing but tension and silence in the apartment and I hated it. It made my heart pound and made my body shake.

We were just standing there in the kitchen trying to not look at each other. If someone does not say something now, I think I am going to lose it.

"U...um... thanks." I stuttered

Billie looked at me, "for what?"

"For you know... telling that guy off."

"Did you know that guy?"

Silence

"wa...was it him?" he said looking back down

"yeah." I said almost in a whisper

Billie bit his lip and nodded his head slightly as if he were holding in something, he wanted to say but, did not

"well I'm all packed up and have to leave tomorrow at noon." He said

"Billie, I promise I told him to never talk to me. I want nothing to do with him." I pleaded

"You don't have to take me there; I'll just take an uber on my own. I don't think we need to have any goodbyes so, just letting you know."

He completely disregarded what I said. Billie did not want a response back nor did he want to keep talking to me. He just went back on the couch and lied down staring at the ceiling. I thought there was no point to keep any conversation or spark any argument, so I went to my room and tried to sleep the night away.

*Morning*

I heard my alarm and was quick to turn it off. My stomach sank into my bed. Today was the day. I told myself today there was going to be no crying, no pleads, no fights. I am going to treat this day like a band aid and just rip it right off. No slow painful feelings.

Although Billie had to leave at noon I set my alarm for 7am. Mostly because I knew I wasn't going to sleep that much anyway but I also wanted to spend as much time with him possible even if it was going to be filled with silence.

I got ready and hesitated to even leave my room. Maybe if I just stayed in here the whole day then nothing bad with happen, maybe this would have all been just a dream. But I do not think that is a choice. I slowly opened my door expecting Billie to still be sleeping on the couch, but he was not. I wanted to panic but I told myself that this day is going to have no pain.

I remained collected and looked around the apartment for a note or message. Although I did not see any kind of a note his luggage was still in the apartment next to the door. I was relieved knowing that he did not leave to the airport thinking that he might have lied about the time he was supposed to leave but it also made me wonder where he could have been. I checked my phone and I had no missed calls or text messages. I figured I should just let It go; he must come back anyway since he still had his stuff here.