Boy Next Door

Darkness

Camila found herself tossing and turning in bed. It was the middle of the day and Shawn had offered to take care of Quinn so Camila could get some rest—something that she hadn't been getting much of at all since the baby was born. She was frustrated—despite being overwhelmingly tired, she could barely fall asleep and definitely couldn't stay asleep. Camila grumpily got out of bed and walked to the doorway, admiring the sight of Shawn sprawled out on the couch with a sleeping Quinn laying on his bare chest.

"That's cute," she said quietly.

"You're supposed to be sleeping," he sighed. "You've barely gotten any sleep since she was born."

"I know," she said sadly. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'll be okay." She hoped her words sounded convincing to Shawn because she sure as hell didn't believe them herself. She didn't feel okay, but she couldn't worry about that right now. She had a daughter she needed to take care of.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" he asked cautiously. Camila sighed and nodded. As much as she loved his ability to read her like a book, she also cursed it. It had been a week since Quinn was born and so far it had been nothing like she had imagined it. Not only was she starting to realize that she knew nothing about being a mother, but she was starting to feel emotions that she hadn't felt since she was seventeen. Shawn had made it clear in the past and even as they sat on the couch now that if she needed help she could talk to him, but she wasn't naive to the fact that this was all new to him as well. She didn't want to burden him with her struggles right now, she had handled them by herself in the past and she knew she could do it again.

Shawn could tell she was struggling but he wasn't sure how to help. Anytime he would offer his help she would either deny needing any help or snap at him. One day he had gotten back from work to see that neither Camila or Quinn were in the living room where they normally were. He peeked into Quinn's nursery to see her fast asleep in her crib. He smiled softly and walked over to her, lightly brushing his thumb over the soft brown hair on the top of her head. Not wanting to wake her, he left her nursery and walked into his and Camila's bedroom. He gently pushed the door open to see Camila laying on her side on the bed, facing the wall. His heart hurt when he heard her quiet sobs. Not knowing what else to do, he took off his shoes and climbed into bed with her, his chest against her back as he wrapped his arm around her torso.

"What's going on in that pretty mind of yours, Mila?" he quietly cooed into her ear, his voice laced with concern.

"I'm so bad at this," she choked out through her tears. "She's perfect and I'm just...not."

"Nobody is expecting you to be perfect at this. It's okay for you to feel confused...that doesn't make you a bad mom." Camila stayed silent until crying and babbling from Quinn's nursery broke the silence. Without saying a word, Camila rolled out of bed and went to get her daughter. Shawn gave her a few minutes alone with Quinn before walking into the nursery. Camila was sitting on the chair—her feet up on the ottoman as she breastfed their daughter. Shawn admired the sweet sight in front of him before sitting down on the rug with his back against the crib.

"Sorry I'm being so difficult," Camila sadly whispered as her eyes remained glued on her daughter.

"You're not being difficult," he assured her. "I'm just worried about you. I've never seen you like this before and I don't know how I can help."

"I'll be okay."

"Do you really believe that?" he asked. "Or are you just saying that because you don't want to talk about this anymore." Camila took a deep breath and swallowed down the tears that were brimming in her eyes.

"I've pulled myself out of the darkness before and I can do it again."

"I don't doubt that. You're the strongest person I know, Camila...but I don't want it to get to the point it got to last time before you ask for help. It's okay to ask for help."

"I know," she said defensively. "I'll be okay." Shawn sighed in defeat and stood up, walking over to her and leaning down to kiss her lips. He felt like she wasn't hearing what he was saying, but he hoped that the kiss communicated that he loved her, cared about her, and that he was by her side no matter what. He pulled away from her lips and sighed, leaning his forehead against hers with his eyes closed.

"I love you more than you could ever know," he whispered just loud enough for her to hear.

"I know," she said even quieter than he had. "I love you too."

"I'm going to go make dinner." Camila nodded as Shawn left to go into the kitchen. She hardly had any appetite since Quinn was born, another thing that worried him. She practically had to be force fed otherwise she just wouldn't eat. Hoping to bring her appetite back, Shawn made tacos for their dinner—one of her favorites. Once the food was made, Shawn and Camila sat at the dining table with their dinner in front of them. Camila pushed the grilled chicken around with her fork before reluctantly picking up the stuffed soft tortilla and taking the tiniest bite. She crinkled her nose and set the taco back down onto her plate, sighing as she stared off into the distance. "Not good?" Shawn asked.

"No, it's good. I'm just not hungry," she said quietly.

"You can't stop eating, baby...especially not now," Shawn said sternly. "You need to eat." Camila reluctantly ate one of her two tacos before calling it quits. After dinner, Shawn sat on the couch with Quinn in his arms, Camila laying on the couch next to him with her head in his lap. Shawn put on an old romance movie, knowing that the genre was one of Camila's favorites. He knew it wasn't a big thing, but he figured anything that could at least cheer her up a little bit was worth doing. He held Quinn in one arm as the other lazily rubbed Camila's back until he breathing was slow and steady, signaling that she had fallen asleep. Shawn smiled softly as he looked at her sleeping face. Sleep was rare enough for her these days that even her getting a catnap on the couch made him feel better. His smile fell when the reality of her struggles began to sink in. He took his hand off of her back and reached for his phone. His thumb hovered over the screen for a moment before he reluctantly typed "postpartum depression" into the search bar.

A/N: Posted the first chapter of my new story earlier today! It's called "Peace, Love, & Pogo Sticks". I think you should check it out. 🤪💌