Boy Next Door

The Dark Side of the Rooftop

TW//themes of suicide

In the following weeks, things had gone from bad to worse. Camila was retreating from her relationships with nearly everyone in her life, including her daughter. She tried her hardest to take care of Quinn the best that she could, but she also couldn't find the energy or motivation to take care of anyone—including herself. When it came to taking care of Quinn, Shawn was doing most of it. Camila was trying her best; he knew that—but most of her time recently had been spent alone. She cried a lot. Her mood swings were insane and unpredictable. She was bouncing back and forth between being angry and irritable to being sorrowful and reclusive.

Shawn had reached out to Sinu about his concerns, but she dismissed it as just being a case of the baby blues. He was tempted to tell her about Camila's past struggles with her mental health but he also knew that wasn't his story to tell. One day, he was laying on their bed with his back against the headboard feeding Quinn when he heard Camila crying in the shower. Hearing her sobs, his heart broke for what must've been the hundredth time that week. Several minutes later, she came out of the bathroom in sweatpants and a large t-shirt with her long, curly hair damp and falling around her face. Her eyes and cheeks were red and puffy from her tears. She glanced over at her boyfriend and daughter before silently going over to their dresser and pulling out a pair of fuzzy socks to slip on.

"Can we talk?" Shawn said quietly and cautiously. Camila sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, attempting to avoid eye contact. "I'm really worried about you, Camila..." he said seriously. Camila rolled her eyes at his words with a little more irritation than she had intended. She continued sitting in silence, her eyes glued to her hands in her lap. "Please talk to me," Shawn choked out through tears that were becoming nearly impossible to hold back. "I don't recognize this Camila. You only talk to me when it's necessary. Hell, I don't even remember the last time we kissed. You're sad and angry and I don't know why but I do know that I want to help if you'll let me."

"I'm not good at this," she whispered as she continuously shook her head sadly. She looked over at Quinn who was being happily cradled in Shawn's arms and swallowed back her tears. "She deserves so much better than me."

"Don't say that," Shawn said sternly. "You're not a bad mom."

"How can you say that?" she snapped. "I've been a horrible mom to her since the day she was born and I know you agree. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for her and I'm sure as hell not good enough for you."

"Don't say that," he repeated calmly.

"Stop telling me what I can and can't say!" she shouted. Shawn nonchalantly moved his hand to cover Quinn's ears, worrying that Camila's loud and harsh tone would upset her. Camila noticed and Shawn immediately regretted it, seeing the way Camila's face contorted in a mixture of guilt and heartbreak.

"Camila, I..."

"Don't," she spat bitterly. She noticed the time that showed on the clock on her nightstand and looked back at her boyfriend. "Go to work. You're going to be late."

"I can stay if you need me to stay."

"I don't need you to stay, I need you to go to work so we can hopefully afford to take care of our daughter," she said coldly. Shawn sighed in defeat and stood up, handing Quinn to Camila and putting on his shoes. Grabbing his phone, wallet, keys, and guitar he headed for the door.

"I love you," he said sincerely. She glanced over at him, but said nothing. Trying not to let it get to him, he swallowed hard and turned to leave, hoping that some time alone would help her calm down. He struggled through his entire performance that day. His voice wasn't as good as he knew it should be and it had everything to do with the fact that he was actively trying to hold back tears. He made an impromptu decision to add a cover of "Gravity" by John Mayer to the setlist for the sole fact that he knew it was one of Camila's favorites. There weren't many people in the audience, so he didn't think anyone noticed when he pulled out his phone and began recording a voice memo as he sang the lyrics. The emotion in his voice was evident as he neared the end of the song, but he didn't care; the best performers are the ones who sing from their heart. He finished the song and ended the voice memo, sending it to Camila as he finished his set.