65| The Biggest Joke of All
"NO matter how many times you explain it to me, Nicolas, I am still going to call you an idiot," I said.
Nic worked on fixing his tie, straightening it as he looked in the mirror. There were 30 minutes until the business event. 30 minutes until heaps of the most successful businessmen and women would congregate in this years venue of choice: a large event hall in the heart of the city.
"Say it all you want, but I did what needed to be done."
"You know me and Theo could have faked a break up," I pointed out.
"She wanted a legal contract, Ava. No point in apologizing, but do mind my lack of manners when I say that your mother is a psychotic woman, and a fake break up never works out," Nic said, then turned around. "How do I look?"
I reached forward to straighten his collar. "You really are a brick wall sometimes. Impossible to get through."
He grinned. "That's how I like it."
"You know," I said, "I didn't know that you liked Butler... like that. But he's a good guy. He's great, actually. I think he would be good for you."
Nic groaned. "Here we go again." He moved away, crossing his room to sit on the window seat. "You're doing what Theo did when I told him. He went all 'Butler's so great, he's so sweet, so perfect, he'd be good for you'. Like I don't fucking know he's a literal saint and I'm a Judas knock-off."
"You're not a Judas knock-off. I just think that you need to stop holding yourself to such high standards."
"If I don't hold myself to the standards I have, Ava, then I'm not going to amount to anything. I'll just slip through the cracks like I never mattered," Nic uttered. "I don't want to slip through the cracks. I don't want to be nothing."
I walked over and sat across from him. "You aren't nothing. You're everything to a lot of people. And you'll never not matter."
"You're required to say that as basically my sister. I do appreciate it. Still. It doesn't change who I am," Nic said. "And about Butler."
"About Butler?"
Nic sighed and shook his head, looking out of the window towards the side garden. "He's good. Too good. And it's illegal. And even if it weren't, I wouldn't be able to let anything happen. I know myself."
"And you can't let yourself hold onto something good?"
"Don't therapize me," Nic muttered and then stood up, looking at me. "I can hold onto something good if I know that I'm worthy of it. But I don't want to hold onto something good if I know there's a chance I could destroy it."
I opened my mouth but found no words at the moment, and Nic took that as an opportunity to leave his room. I sighed and stood up to follow him since we were supposed to leave any minute now.
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