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The Incipiency

In our life, time is very powerful
Would you choose to be happy even just for a short period of time?
Or just surrender and accept your fate?

She's a woman with a curse
Her life is in a plain color
She lives in darkness,
Hoping that someday the curse will finally end.

Writing down all the memories she wanted to remember
But she couldn't start again because she didn't even know how things ended

He's the man full of hope
His life is colorful just like a rainbow
He lives in a light
Hoping that someday he can find the one who will complete his life
Maybe he's a star in every person's darkest night
But behind that brightness, we don't know he also wants to hold him tight.

"Sometimes our need to bleed is greater than our need to breathe REVIVE ME; REVIVE US"

"Ikaw lang hanggang sa susunod na habang buhay"

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"Who are you"

Isang panibagong normal na araw, let me tell you a fact, sa totoo lang ayaw ko ng gumising because my life fuck as hell. I'm Christine Hella Peter, 17 years old. May dadating na isang pagsubok sa ating buhay ito ay may halong lungkot at saya. At sa tingin ko ito ay nakatadhana na simula pala pa ng ako'y mabuhay.

My life isn't normal. I can't do the things my peers do because of my condition.  I remember being a baby, the doctors telling me I had Huntington's Disease. It's an inherited disease, passed down from my mom, who died when I was born. My family was heartbroken, but they chose me to live. Hindi naging madali yung operasyon kasi sabi 50% ang posibilidad na mabuhay ang bata dahil narin sa sakit pero sa awa ng Panginoon nabuhay ako... na sana hindi nalang.

"Gising ka na pala iha, ako ito si Yanni mo."

Akala ko ako toh si Natoy na mahal na mahal ka hahahaha well napanood ko kasi yun kala ko ganon rin lines ni Yanni.

Yanni became my second mother after my real mom died. She's always with me because my dad is always busy with our company. I'm an only child. It's not easy living like this, especially knowing I won't live long. The doctor said people like me, with this condition, only have a 20-year life expectancy.

Maraming bawal at ang pinakamasakit, mabilis akong makalimot ng mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Pakiramdam ko tuwing nagigising ako, para akong bagong sanggol na walang ka alaala. Isang bata na walang muwang. Mabuti nalang may mga pictures ako na kinukuhanan ko araw araw at kasama dito ang mga kasama ko sa bahay, nilalagyan ko ito ng mga pangalan sa likuran upang kapag nakalimutan ko, tinitignan ko nalang ito. May diary rin ako na makapal, nandito lahat ng alaala ko. Bawat araw nagsusulat ako dito.

"Yanni? Ah, ikaw po pala. Bakit po? May problema po ba?"

"Wala naman iha, tara na at kumain ka na ng umagahan at tayo ay mamamasyal ngayong araw."

Malawak ang lupain na meron ang pamilya ko kaya't isa rin ito sa libangan ko dahil bawal rin ako masyadong lumabas hanggat maaari, dapat kasama ko si Yanni, baka kasi atakihin ako ng sakit ko.

The air here is fresh and clean. There are so many different kinds of trees, I love it here. It's the only place I can go. There are also many people here, so I have someone to talk to besides Yanni. I always bring my camera with me.

I picked some fruit to bring home because I love them, and they're good for my health. When we reached the big table under the tree, the people were taking a break.

"Senyorita Tine, napabisita po kayo."

"Kuya Alex, Tine nalang po hahahaha ano pong balita dito?"

Kuya Alex nasa 40+ na siya, he also one of the worker na matagal ng nagtratrabaho dito kaya't maliban kay Yannie, si kuya alex narin ang naging kuya kuyahan ko since only child lang ako, boring noh.

"Maayos naman po kami dito. Pakisabi nga po kay Don Patrick na salamat sa tulong na ibinigay niya sa pamilya namin."

"Sige po. Asahan niyo nga po pala, pwede ko po bang bisitihan si Kylie?"

Kylie is one of the horses that our family owned, naging isa rin kong libangan ang ikotin ang rancho namin sakay ng kabayong ito.

"Oo naman iha, tara at samahan kita."

When I saw the horse, I felt happy, excited, excited kasi after 3 weeks ulit ako nakapunta dito dahil this past days, bigla bigla sumasakit ang ulo ko and the doctor said na isa itong symptoms sa sakit ko.

Kuya Alex helped me get on Kylie. Thankfully, she's in a good mood today. Sometimes I talk to Kylie. It might seem weird to some people, but I don't have a so-called "best friend." Yes, I have Yanni, but I want a friend who can be with me through everything.

Kylie, well, this horse has become important in my life since I was a kid. I've been with her since I was young. If you asked me to choose between a boyfriend and this horse, I wouldn't hesitate to choose this horse, hahaha. As if I'm going to meet a guy anyway.

Nilibot namin ni Kylie yung other side ng rancho, maraming bulaklak doon kaya nakakarelax siya sakin. Aside, flowers are my favorite, they are beautiful. My eyes is satisfied with the surroundings I see right now. Bumaba ako sa kabayo para pumitas ng sunflower kasi favorite ko toh, ng may mapansin ako na isang matandang babae na nasa di kalayuan sa pwesto ko, parang kilala ko siya pero di ko matandaan kaya't tinignan ko ang mga pictures na kinuhanan ko sa camera ko at nakita ko siya.

It was Ate Isabel pala, pero sino yung lalaki na nakasandal sa puno di kalayuan kay Ate Isabel, tila may kakaiba dito at tila ay masaya ito base narin sa ekspresyon ng mukha niya, hindi ko rin siya makilala kaya tinignan ko sa camera ko ang mga nakuhanan ko, btw lahat ng tao dito sa rancho meron akong larawan nila para maalala ko sila. Kinalkal ko ulit ang mga photos pero wala talaga yung lalaking iyon kaya't naisipan ko na lapitan ko nalang sila para hindi narin ako maguluhan, lalo't masama ito sa health ko ang magisip masyado.

"Senyorita Tine, nandito po pala kayo."

"Ah yes, boring po kasi sa bahay eh, walang magawa nga po pala si-----"

In the middle of speaking, when I was about to ask Ate Isabel about the anonymous guy, biglang dumating si Yanni.

"Tine, kailangan na natin umuwi. Nasa mansyon mga pinsan mo."

Argh, what a bummer! I was about to find out, but oh well, next time.

Before we left, my eyes met the anonymous guy's, but it was only for a few seconds, maybe three, while he was still leaning against the tree.