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The Torment

"Arghhhh, my head is whirling. What happened ba? Last time I remember pauwi na sila Earn, Alizah, Alana and Fajra, tapos boom, dumilim na paningin ko."

I'm in a hospital right now, and andaming nakakabit sa katawan ko. I look so pale, tapos naka-hospital gown pa ko. Ghaddd, I hate this situation.

"Tine, how's your feeling?"

Owww, it was Dr. John, long time no see.

"My head is whirling."

"Well, that's the side effect of the medication I injected to you last night."

Kaya pala pakiramdam ko ang bilis ng ikot ng nasa paligid ko.

"Tine, Anak, are you okay?"

Si Daddy, he looks like a half-dead person. Well, as far as I remember, the clothes he wears right now are also the clothes he wore last night. I felt pity for him. I know he's tired working and then now caring for me.

"Uhmm, a little bit, Dad."

"Here, I brought porridge. Kumain ka muna."

Right now, I really feel that I am a patient because of that porridge food.

"Patrick and Tine, maiwan ko muna kayo. I just check other patients if there's a problem, call me immediately or Dr. Fuentes. Nasa baba lang siya."

Then Dr. John left the room.

"Daddy, can I ask something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Kasi, this past few weeks, maayos naman pakiramdam ko then I never felt pain in my head, but last night, bakit biglang bumalik?"

"Dr. John and Dr. Fuentes told me na..."

"Na?"

"Tine, habang lumilipas yung araw, may posibilidad na maramdaman mo na yung ibang sintomas ng sakit mo."

My world suddenly stopped when I heard those words. Yung oras na kinakatakutan ko, unti-unti ng nagpaparamdam.

"Ah, ganon po ba?"

I try to smile cause I know masakit rin ito para kay Daddy and ayoko ng mas masaktan pa siya. I try to smile to show to him that everything will be okay, maybe soon I think.

I wanna go and fight in this fight. I wanna be, be more than just a child, just like what Ben&Ben said.

After I take that porridge, ghadd, wala siyang lasa mga atii, pero syempre best actress ako, kaya I act in front of my Dad na masarap yun.

"Tine, after this, Dr. Fuentes told me na you're going to have an MRI scan."

MRI scans give very detailed pictures of soft tissues like the brain. Also, it can be used to detect brain tumors, developmental anomalies, the cause of headache and for my disease, isa rin ito sa ginagamit.

Well, painless procedure naman siya, but it lasts 15 to 90 minutes. Ganon siya katagal, well, it depends on the size of the area being scanned and the number of images being taken.

"Sige, Dad, I just fix my hair muna."

Syempre nag-ayos muna ako. Nakakahiya naman kung hindi diba haha.

"Tine, let's go."

Then bumaba na kami. Nandoon kasi yung MRI machine then we started the scanning. Before I went to the machine, Dr. Fuentes injected me with some contrast liquid, and the scanning takes 1 hour, so medyo naka-idlip ako doon.

"Mr. Peter, this is the result of the scanning we had. As you can see, chuchuchu," Dr. Fuentes explained, but I didn't understand those doctor terms she used. I just know na may sakit ako at lumalala na yun.

"Tine, take some rest after this, and you can experience side effects from an MRI scan, which is you can feel nausea, headaches, or pain," Dr. Fuentes advised.

Yes, it's a painless procedure, pero mga Atii, grabehan naman ang bawian sa side effects niya.

"Thank you, Dr. Fuentes."

Like what she told earlier, nag-take some rest nga ako, mga 15 minutes, and she's right, sumakit na naman ulo ko, pero saglit lang naman. Dr. John told us na bukas pwede na kong lumabas ng hospital. Buti naman, di ko feel aura ng hospital eh.

"Tineeeee, ano kumusta ka na?" Fajra asked, her voice filled with concern.

"Oo nga, gurl. Buti nalang agad sinabi ni Tito" Lona added, her eyes sparkling with relief.

Yes, tama kayo. Nandito silang apat, and kahit papaano, naging komportable na ko dito sa room na ito.

"Gulat kami gurl noong nahimatay ka kagabi" Alana said, her voice laced with worry.

"Earn asked me kung bakit nangyari yun. I just told him na pagod ka lang, syempre I want na ikaw mismo magsabi kay Earn ng totoo" Alizah explained, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

Wait, mga Atii, nag-aalala sa akin si Earn? Myghaddd, mag-paparty na ba ako? Charot, may sakit ka, selp. Maghinay-hinay ka, jusko.

"Here, I brought some fruits para makain mo" Fajra said, offering me a plate of colorful fruits.

"Thank you, senyo ha. Btw, maayos-ayos na pakiramdam ko" I reassured them.

"Natakot kami. Dapat nga kagabi pa kami pumunta dito sa hospital eh, but Tito told us to rest muna kami" Alana explained.

"Earn also wants to visit you, but Tito Xander told him na bisitahin niya yung Lola niya eh" Alizah added.

"Hmmm, tara, kainin natin itong mga fruits na dala niyo" I suggested, feeling a little peckish.

Basta kasama ko itong apat, maayos na ako. Pakiramdam ko, okay na ko ngayon. Hindi ko na nga ramdam na nasa hospital ako eh.

They told me a lot of funny stories na nagpagaan ng loob ko, especially Lona and Fajra. The way they tell a story, matatawa kahit sino.

"Tine, bukas bisitahin ka namin sa house niyo ha? Bukas naman labas mo diba?" Lona asked, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Yes, sure" I replied, smiling.

Then they left. May kanya-kanya kasi silang schedule ngayong araw eh. Napadaan lang talaga sila dito sa hospital to check on me.

Mamayang 2 pm, may 2 therapist ang darating. Every week, nagsasagawa ako ng therapy, so it's normal to me naman na.

"Yanniiiiiiii!" I called out, my voice echoing in the quiet room.

"Tine, Iha, ano kumusta ka na?" Yanni asked, her eyes filled with concern.

"Maayos-ayos naman na po. Kanina lang dumalaw dito mga friends ko," I reported, feeling a wave of warmth wash over me.

"Mabuti naman. Sinabihan ako ni Patrick na samahan kita sa mga therapy mo," Yanni replied, taking a seat beside me.

"Uhmm, Yanni, hindi ka napapagod sa akin?" I asked, feeling a pang of guilt.

"Iha, tandaan mo ito, para narin kitang anak, kaya hinding-hindi ako mapapagod sayo. At huwag mong isipin na mapapagod kami sayo. Para sa amin ng Daddy mo, ikaw yung pahinga at lakas namin" Yanni assured me, her voice filled with warmth.

"Hmmm, thank you, Yanni. Never akong mag-sasawang mag-thank you sa inyong lahat," I replied, feeling a surge of gratitude.

"Tama na nga. Heto, dinala ko laptop mo. Manood na lang tayo ng mga movie dito," Yanni said, handing me my laptop.

Then nanood nga kami ni Yanni. Last week kasi, nag-download ako ng mga movies dito sa laptop. Buti nalang, HAHAHA, para iwas boring.

By 2 pm, dumating na yung first therapist, which is psychotherapy. They are the one who manages expectations during the progression of the disease, also the one who facilitates effective communication.

"Good Afternoon, Tine. Can we start?"

Then nag-start na kami. Mga 30 minutes yun. Minsan hindi ko rin magets bat meron ako netoh eh naka-kapagsalita naman ako ng maayos at naka-kilos ng maayos. Haysss.

"Thank you, Tine, for your cooperation. See you next week" the therapist said,  leaving the room.

Kung sa normal na tao, pumapasok sila sa work or school. Ako naman, pumapasok para sa mga therapy.

After maka-alis ng Psychotherapist, mga 10 minutes lang nakalipas, dumating na rin si Physical Therapist.

"Kanina about sa proper manner yung tinuro sa akin. Ngayon naman, appropriate and safe exercises that enhance strength" I explained to Yanni, who was busy scrolling through her phone.

"Good Afternoon, Ms. Peter. Shall we start?" the Physical Therapist greeted me with a firm voice.

Medyo strict toh eh. Nakakatakot siya mga atii. HAHA kaya talagang sineryoso ko mga tinuturo niya. She is the one who helps me to improve my posture. Feeling ko nga sasali ako sa Ms. Universe netoh eh. HAHAHA. She also helps me to maintain mobility through those exercises she taught me.

"Good Job, Christine. Well, see you next week, Bye" she said, as she left the room.

Every therapy session, they had 30 minutes to teach me. Well, tapos na so I can rest na. Nakakapagod naman kasi, lalo na yung posture posture chuchu.

"Kumusta, Tine?" Yanni asked, looking at me with concern.

"Maayos naman po, Yanni. Thank you nga po pala sa pagsama kanina, lalo na doon kay Ms. Physical Therapist" I said, a playful grin spreading across my face.

"HAHAHA, strikta talaga yung babaeng yun, pero mabait naman yun" Yanni chuckled, remembering the previous week's session.

Last week, I remember she scolded me. Huhuhu, salamat siya, hindi ko siya sinumbong kay Daddy.

Kinagabihan, umuwi muna si Yanni para kumuha ng isusuot ko bukas pag-labas ng hospital, and si Daddy, may biglaang meeting kaya ayun, pumunta muna siya saglit sa meeting place nila.

Right now, I'm all alone... choss, nanonood ako ng movies. Nakakatawa naman ito, tsaka minsan, pumupunta si Dr. John dito sa room ko to visit me.

Ng mag-sawa na ako manood, I decided to sleep, pero I listen to music muna, pampa-antok.

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest

The familiar lyrics of the songN"Leave Out All The Rest" by Linkin Park, echoed in the room, calming my weary mind. As the melody filled the space, I drifted off to sleep, hoping for a peaceful night and a brighter tomorrow.