The Secrets We Keep: A Choni Story

Chapter 35

Cheryl’s POV
“I-I don’t know” I answered shakily.

“Do you love me?” Toni asked tears welling in her eyes.

“W-What, of course, I do Toni,” I answered.

“Are you sure, or is it a case of an ‘I don’t know’ kind of love?” she asked kind of sarcastically.

“How is this any different than you and Ethan?” I ask slightly annoyed.

“Don’t bring him into this,” she said sternly.

“No, how is this any different, Toni? You don’t know if you love Ethan, I don’t know if I love Heather I don’t see a difference,” I sighed.

“You don’t see a difference?!” she yelled, “Cheryl, Ethan is dead, and he used his dying breath to tell me that he loved me, so coming to the realisation that I didn’t love him is hard, okay?! That’s why I’ve been saying I don’t know if I loved him because it would soften the blow, but the moment I told you I loved you I knew I didn’t love him or any of my exes frankly, but Ethan and I had the deepest connection so it hurt the most,” she shouted bawling her eyes out.

“Toni, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that’s how you felt,” I sighed.

“Nobody does,” she whispered.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t like to share my feelings or be vulnerable in front of people except for you, but there’s a side of me that I’ve hidden away since my dad died, and parts of me that I’ve pushed so far down that I don’t even know if they’re there anymore. And a lot of those parts were pushed down before I moved here after my friends died,” she divulged, “If I’m being honest I’m in the same position as you Cheryl, I’m scared of people leaving and this may come as a shock but I’m also scared of falling in love, this relationship scares me,”

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" I asked.

"Honestly, I don't know, Cheryl, I'm gonna go somewhere, I don't know when I'll be back," she sighed getting up.

"Where are you going?" I questioned.

"Somewhere to clear my head," she answered.

"Can I get a kiss?" I pouted.

She walked over to me and kissed me slowly yet passionately and then pulled away. We've been dating for almost 6 months (idk nor care whether this is correct, just go with it) but every time we kiss I still get butterflies in my stomach and my heart does flips.

"I gotta go, I love you," she smiled.

"I love you too," I said pecking her lips again.

Toni's POV
Whitechapel Cemetery
I bought some flowers on the way here. I got lily's for Erica, sunflowers for Benny, daisy's for Rory and lotus' for Ethan. I placed the flowers down on the graves.

"I'm so sorry," I apologised, "This is all my fault, I love all of you and I'm so sorry, it should've been me,” I said a tear spilling from my eye, “I found a nice girl," I chuckled lightly, "She loves me and I love her, I want to marry her one day, but I want you guys permission, like your blessing," I stated, "If you guys could give me with a sign please," I pleaded. I was kinda expecting a rainbow or the sun to shine on me but nothing, I didn't know what this meant or how to feel.

"I miss you and one day I'll be with you all, until then my friends fly high, fly high," I sobbed.

I dusted myself off and walked back to Thistlehouse, yes I walked from Whitechapel to Riverdale is about an hour and a half in a car so it would take me really long to get there but I just needed this walk. Halfway there it started to rain, not heavy though it was pretty light you wouldn't need an umbrella, but 10 minutes later it was pouring, I sped back to Thistlehouse, but I was already drenched. I knocked and the door and Cheryl opened it.