Alternative

October 2, 2008 at 9:32PM

The kiss wasn't quite what I expected. There was an imperfection to it. Like our lips didn't quite line up. But it was perfect somehow. I could really feel her. 

Thinking about the sensation, I start laughing. It's small at first, but it keeps going, erupts... I feel the laughter spread throughout my whole body. 

I'm in my kitchen, pouring myself a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, laughing my face off.

Mom must have heard the laughing from upstairs because she suddenly walks in with a look of total confusion.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing."

She looks at me with curiosity. I guess me laughing, or even smiling for that matter, was kind of a rare sight. 

I'm not ready to tell her about Beth yet.

"A friend just sent me this dumb thing on YouTube."

"Can I see it?"

I pull out my phone and pretend to try to find something.

"It's not loading."

She looks at me suspiciously.

"Are you high?"

"What? No."

"What was the video about?"

I can't think of a lie fast enough. She looks at me vaguely amused but also concerned.

"You made the video up. You're laughing hysterically for no reason."

"I'm not high. You're the one who sounds paranoid."

"I don't mind if you smoke marijuana," she says. "Just not on school nights."

"I'm not high," I respond.

I excuse myself. I wonder where she got the idea that I was high. Had she noticed something the last time I was actually high, after Chinese food with Alex?

Probably. She's perceptive. I wouldn't put it past her.

I let the thought drift away. I'm in too good of a mood to let it bother me.

Go up to my room, finish the bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, turn off all the lights and lay down on my bed. Headphones on. Underoath and the volume up really loud.

I picture Beth on the streetcar: the way her lips felt. Soft, not quite lining up with mine, but edging towards it. Her face vivid in my mind, sparkling with clarity.