Alternative

October 20, 2008 at 9:00AM

I run into Alex on my way into school. He calls my name a little too loud to get my attention:

"Yo, Tim!"

Leaned up against the wall, he's in the midst of rolling a joint.

"You want to par-toke?"

"Ah, I see what you did there. Clever."

"I'm a comic hero."

"So, you in?"

He finishes rolling the joint and proffers it.

"No, man, I'm good. Trying to take school seriously these days."

"Oh, jeez, well excuse me, Mr. Academia."

"No, I didn't mean—"

"It's cool, man..."

Alex's tone suddenly shifts.

"Hey, how come I never see you these days anymore?"

"We see each other, what do you mean? Let's do Chinese food again soon."

"Did you and Beth start your own band together or something? I was wondering why she hadn't scheduled any rehearsals since the talent show."

"No, uh... we rehearsed just the two of us once. She had a couple new songs that she wanted to figure out guitar parts for, but that was before the talent show."

"Right..." he says.

He isn't believing a word I'm saying. I feel anxious, like I can't continue the conversation, so I make up something about having to see the principal to redo some forms I didn't fill out properly.

"Shouldn't take long, but I should get it done."

"Sure thing, buddy," he says.

"I'll see you later."

He ignites the joint and eyes me as I walk into school.

I somehow manage to avoid talking to Alex for the rest of the day. I have a bad feeling though, like someone had maybe seen me and Beth together at Tim's or on the streetcar; that person had told one of their friends, who'd told one of their friends, and Alex had overheard. If that was the case, I was really nervous about how he was going to react. He told me that he liked her a while ago. And he seemed on edge this morning. Was it possible it had nothing to do with me and Beth? Maybe he was just bummed that the band seemed to be taking a breather after the talent show?

On my way to the streetcar stop after school. 

I see Beth standing up in the moving streetcar. I wave but she doesn't see me and is quickly out of view.

I feel a pat on my back and turn to find Alex standing in front of me.

"Hey, so I think I've finally worked up the courage to ask Beth out."

The streetcar pulls away.

"What do you think?" he asks.

I hesitate, searching for the right way forward. "Uh, sure man... if you think that's a good idea."

"What, you don't think it's a good idea?"

"I didn't say that."

"Is it a bad idea because we're in a band together or is there some other reason I don't know about? Does she not like me in that way?"

"I don't know."

I can see something change in his eyes. He looks angry, eager to get something off his chest.

"Dude, everybody knows about you two."

"What?"

"You and Beth..."

Shit.

"Yeah..." I respond. (Stupid response.)

"You didn't say shit to me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"You're dating Beth and I'm the last person at school to hear about it."

"I should have said something, I'm—"

"I don't care that Beth liked you and not me, okay? That's not what this is about."

"Okay."

"It's just that you didn't talk to me... that you thought I couldn't handle it or something."

"Dude, that's not—"

"There were a couple times I thought something might be going on between the two of you, like when you were hugging in the art room before the talent show, but then I would stop and tell myself, 'No, no way, Tim would tell me if something was going on... there's no way he'd keep me in the dark. We're friends, he wouldn't do that. Well, looks like I was wrong..."

"Dude, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel shitty or whatever."

"Good job!" he says.

Raising his voice now. I've never seen him like this before.

"I go around talking about how much I like her, how much I want to ask her out and you're secretly doing it with her. It's messed up."

"You said you liked her once."

"Yeah, once to you.... You're not the only person I talk to. Other people at school knew I liked her. They also knew I was the last person to find out about you and her. And we're supposed to be friends. I look like a chump."

"Okay... we're not doing anything by the way... and if we were, it'd be none of your business."

"Of course. I'm just in a band with you two, right? Just some idiot behind some drums. Not actually a friend to either of you."

"I didn't mean that. We are friends, but—"

"Whatever, man... I know I screw around, but I'm not some joke..."

"Dude, I don't think you're a—"

"Tell it to someone who cares, bud."

He blows past me, hitting my shoulder, knocking me off balance. 

I deserved that.