Twelve Fifty one

19.

Zack P.O.V

Tell me Im a nonsense friend but I can't go to my bestfriend's wake, I can't walk over there, I can't open my eyes to see her lying on coffin. I don't want. I can not do it. My heart ached so much that it was as if a part of my body had disappeared. I wish I hadn't played, I wish I hadn't left her.

"Son, today is Eli burial, are you coming?" mo asked. I was sitting in my room. I haven't been out for a week. I have no appetite.

I also don't know why mommy is by my side now, yes this is what I want but how can I be happy if the person who is the cause of my happiness is gone.

I did not look at her. "I-I'll follow" I whispered softly.

She sighed "All right son"

She came out and I cried again. Tears flowed again.

"It's just a wound, don't cry, it hurts more when I'm gone because there is no one to treat your wound. So don't fight"

Then my tears flowed as I remembered.

"You're really ugly, don't be sad even if I have a boyfriend you are still the second man in my life, of course daddy is the first"

How can I forget her if she has been in my memory since childhood.

I sobbed. "You're a cheater, you told me not to cry when there is a wound, b-but you are the one who gave the wound, how is it now? You're not here, no one will treat my wound"

How do I get started if you are the one I always see.

"Zack"

"Oh why dear princess" I smile. Sit on the adjacent hammock.

"When I'm gone I want you to go to my burial, but don't cry I might wake up" she joked.

"Crazy, don't talk like that. All right, when you die I won't go to you"

She laughed and I turned to smile "Go because I want you there"

I wiped away my tears. I never thought she would say goodbye to the days when we always went to the playground.

I forced myself to stand up. I will go to her. Im sorry Eli. I don't know if I can.

My every move is so slow. Every time I move I think of her.

I was wearing white and black pants.  No one in the house, definitely they're already there . I looked around the living room.

"Hey ugly hurry up we're late!"

I could almost see Eli on the sofa waiting for me. I shook and continued walking. When I came out, I saw Arman. He drove me to the cemetery.

Getting out of the car I can no longer step. I could see them under the hood. Crying. I took a deep breath holding back my own tears.

I walked with full of grass on the ground. When I got close, almost everyone looked at me. Aunt is supported by uncle who has both swollen eyes because of tears. Lovely hugging Drei while aunt caresses her, they both cry. The same goes for mom, dad and brother. All their family was there as well as friends, classmates and some teachers.

I thought I would not cry but when I saw what was in the middle of them all. Who they went to, who they cried for. My knees start to weak. I can't look at the open coffin. I don't want to know who is lying there. Even though I already know. I don't want.

No one spoke but only sobs and cries could be heard. The tears dripping from my eyes could not be dried by the strong wind. My knees weaken as I approach my dearest friend.

Almost everyone is looking at me. Hugging and the eyes and nose are equally red.

Gradually I could see the inside of the coffin, little by little until I could see it. My hands trembled as I touched her coffin. My lips trembled , tears continued to flow. Her face is small and gentle. But lifeless.

"E-eli" my tears continued to flow.

I shook my head "This is the f-first time you did make up but why in your burial" my voice cracked.

"I'm sorry I-I didn't visit you right away, I-I can't do it Eli.. I still can't accept, I was with you last week w-we're still happy at the playground... But w-why now" I can't speak. Hot and salty tears are palpable. "Y-you are very deceitful you said you will wait for me but... who will call me u-ugly, Who will tease me every day, Who will h-harass me?  Eli tell me how can I forget you if you are the one I knew since childhood" I cried almost unable to recognize my own voice. It hurts a lot.

"F-for the rest of my life I will regret that I did not say that I like you,
I-I don't love you as a friend.. You are the only woman I-I like, only you, and Lovely is right because I regret it. Eli its painful because many days and years passed but I did not say... becaude I'm c-coward, s-sorry.. Come back please I miss you" I was sobbing. I never thought that a man like me would cry out loud. I thought I would not cry like this. It felt like my parents rejected me but now.. It hurts so much. I lost a half percent of my body.

"Za-ack" Lovely yelled and hugged me.

"I-I'm late Lovely, I didn't say.. I'm stupid and idiot" I blamed myself. "I'm sorry Eli.. I-I became a coward I couldn't bear to see you asleep and... And would never wake up"

Aunt came over and hugged me. The tshirt I was wearing was filled with tears. I never thought I would shed so many tears from my little eyes.

My eyes were almost closed when Mom and dad hugged me. They also cried. They sat me in the chair next to them. Forced to calm me down. I drank water but could not relieve the pain.

My tears continue while looking at her coffin. And when the coffin already putting down.

"Eli" I chased and knelt down. It has come down and is just a little below. Mommy and dad held me.

"Son"

I peeked under. I can't.

"Eli please" I cried

Mommy pulled me and hugged me. Like a child get by a lollipop while hugging its mother.

They threw flowers. I forced myself to throw the flower on my hand. And hugged mommy again. I can no longer see the ground where she's putting, and covering by the soil.

My heart was so crushed I could not imagine that she was already under the ground. I can't imagine that Eli is gone.

How do I get started, if you taught me how to start things.

Who will come with me I'm school, who will I tickle, who will be my buddy, who will be with me to do the assignment, who will I call my dear princess, who will always tease me, who will call me dead hungry and ugly.

Eli was buried forever. She's gone. She will never return.

Her words echoed in my ears.

See you tomorrow

But there is no tomorrow. She will never really come back. I can not see her anymore.

Some already left and we were the only ones left. I keep crying. Aunt is a bit calm and uncle continues to comfort her.

"Zack let's go" mom called me.

She helped me stand up. I slowly went along with them. Lovely and her parents are together. Aunt Raquel hugged Eli's photo tightly. I looked around the place where she was buried. I forced myself to walk and turn my back on my dearest friend.