Snowflake (Peter Pan OUAT x Reader)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

You clenched your fists, your jaw tightening. Peter Pan was supposed to always be there for you. He was supposed to be the one person you could always rely on. And yet, he had cursed you. He had ripped away your memories, your life, giving you one of his own choosing. He just did it because he wanted to, because it was best for him. Had he changed anything else about you? He could do that. In changing your memories, he could take away the experiences which made you, you. He just took away the memories that were yours without a second thought of what you would want.

But some part of you wondered, what if you had asked him to do this, to remove your past memories because they were too painful? You soon discarded that idea. Past experiences make us who we are. No matter how painful, taking them away would be like taking yourself away. You could never see yourself doing anything like that, no matter what had happened.

Since he obviously hadn't done it for you, why had he done it? The most likely reason was that it gave him the ability to vanquish his enemies in the way he liked best—it easily gave him power to control all of them and play them however he chose and they would have no knowledge of that fact. Besides, it was exactly the punishment Pan would prefer—having everyone like puppets on a string while he stood in the middle of it all, holding knowledge and power over everyone's heads.

"That does sound like Pan, dearie. Making everyone around him his puppets, making you his puppet, to bow to his will and do whatever he chose. Doesn't that sound like the kind of life you've always dreamed of having?"

"Shut up, Rumple! I'm trying to think."

"Oh, but dearie, I'm trying to help you think."

"Well then you're failing miserably. The best help would be your silence." You waited, five, ten, fifteen seconds, but he didn't say anything. You looked over at him. He was sitting demurely on a log, hand resting on his chin as he looked at you, completely silent. You only hoped it would last.

Okay, back to everyone being Pan's puppets. The pirates, at first glance, didn't appear to be his puppets completely; after all, they were rebelling against him. But really they were simply a form of entertainment for him, a way to keep the lost boys—and you—entertained. Plus, they were a lessened form of whoever they had been in their past lives, reduced to going after an enemy they would never defeat without enough brains to even come close to winning. What happened to Felix and those other lost boys must not have been due to the pirates, or, at least, not the pirates in their present form. Although Pan was cruel enough to allow a few lost boys' deaths to inflame our hatred of his enemies, he would never have let Felix die by their hand. He was too close to Felix, and, more importantly, Felix was so loyal to him, his loss would not be worthwhile in any way. The pain in Pan's eyes at Felix's death was too real and he had tried to close the pain away far too fast. You didn't think even Pan was capable of being so great of an actor. If he could fake such emotions, then what would he have been capable of faking with you? Side topic, Stella, focus! you commanded yourself. Trying to figure out the implications of this was far more important than anything else. The curse had taken place after that battle with the pirates in your memory.

Okay, the pirates must have been Pan's enemies in some way, due to the unfulfilling life he gave them. The lost boys he either did care about or just saw as a useful tool. He must care about you and Snow in some way, or you were just another card in his games.

Rumplestiltskin was obviously one of his previous enemies. He must have either been too dangerous that Pan was worried he would remember and find some way to break the curse or so hated Pan just wanted him dead or giving you the Dark One's powers was yet another piece Pan evilly played. It could also be a mixture of two or even all three, but that wasn't really important to know.

If he had done it as part of his game, why? It could be to help you become as evil as him. It could be to confuse you and make it harder for you to do anything. It could be because he wanted you to be powerful (and able to defend yourself) like him. It could be because he wanted to use some of the Dark One's powers and he knew you would be a lot more cooperative than Rumplestiltskin. But the reason that scared you the most, was he wanted you to become the Dark One so he could toy with you, play with your emotions as you played right into his hand. You made a promise to yourself right there that you were not going to play into Pan's hands. Only a small part inside you questioned whether you would be able to keep that promise. You stifled it. Doubting yourself was just another thing Pan would want you to do. You were no longer going to be his puppet.

It was time to break this curse, to get your memories back, as well as everyone else's. There was only one thing powerful enough to break it: true love's kiss. The thing was, you had already kissed Pan numerous times before and nothing happened. But perhaps to have the power of a true love's kiss it had to have more. Perhaps both parties had to believe that the Dark Curse was real. And perhaps they had to love each other besides knowing all the evil things the other had done, especially knowing what the other had done to them. You weren't sure that you did love him, after everything, and you especially weren't sure that you loved him enough for it to count as true love. But then again, if you did love Peter after this, that would definitely have to be true love, as only true love could continue after the trust you shared was broken and beaten into the dust before being erased and hidden out of sight.

You squared your shoulders. There was only one way to find out if this would work. If it didn't, you would just have to find some other way. But right now you had to go back to Peter Pan and hope he hadn't awoken yet, hope he hadn't realized your shadow had returned, hope he didn't know that you knew. You had to hope that you were one step ahead of the champion of mind games himself, Peter Pan.

"Good choice, dearie. Let's go kiss the most treacherous villain, a bloody demon, someone who's lied to you countless times..."

"Rumple! That's enough! You've proven your point, okay? I don't need anymore reminders of what he is!" You couldn't hear anymore reminders of what he is, not when you were trying to confirm that you still loved him, not when you needed to break the curse, not when you were picturing his tousled brown hair, smirk that made you want to melt every time, and those enchanting green eyes that always seemed to carry you to a whole new land...

A/N: Alright, so I was going to make this be thirty chapters, I even recently planned it out, but I realized there's far too much content left. Are you as eager for the next chapter as I am? Probably not. I've known that chapter was coming since I started this book. I'm super excited for it!