To heal a broken heart

Chapter 28

~Holly's POV~

When I wake up the next day, I still feel like shit. My rib throbs and the first thing I do is downing two pain killers. Looking at the package a sudden longing fills me.

I could end it all. Right now, right here, nobody cares anyways.

But I don't. I'm to much of a coward to do it. Just like Nick and Chelsea always said.

Instead I slowly get up and hobble my way over to the bathroom, taking a shower to try and make myself look decent. It doesn't really work, but at least I don't smell of vomit anymore.

I barely managed to get myself over to my bed last night after I threw up, so I never properly cleaned myself or the floor. My room reeks disgustingly, but to be honest it's one of my smaller problems right now. Still I change into clean clothes and start to clean everything.

When I finally make my way downstairs it's around 11 am. I slowly walk into the kitchen and meet the gazes of the whole Davis family except Jayden. They sit around the dining table and are in the middle of talking about something when I make my way over to the fridge and pour myself a glass of water.

"Oh, good morning, Holly!", Claudia greets me and the others follow swiftly after. Only Dylan just throws me a dirty smirk, not saying anything, making me want to throw up on him again. A shiver runs down my spine. His presence alone makes me feel sick.

"Hey guys", I quietly mumble and sit down on the seat that's the farthest from Dylan. I'd flee from the room, but they'd immediately think something's wrong (which it clearly is, but anyways) and start questioning me.

"You're really pale, are you alright?", Jackson, Jayden's dad, asks me concerned.

"Yeah, I'm just feeling a little sick", I tell them and they nod. "I'd rather eat something later."

Again they nod, although Juli eyes me with a skeptic look. Well, I just ignore her and nip at my water, watching everyone eat.

My memories from yesterday evening return again and again, the thoughts about Dylan and Jayden don't leave my mind even for a minute. I feel fear in the presence of Dylan and on the other hand I still ask myself, why Jayden left me like that. I thought he was different, not like my other bullies or even worse the bystanders, that are to much of a coward to at least open their fucking mouth.

"Y'all have a free day today, school got canceled because the heaters are broken", Jackson tells me and I nod. I wouldn't have gone anyways, but he obviously thought I'd need to know. But hey, that explains why Juli's still here.

Suddenly the front door slams open. All of us look over to the hallway only to see Jayden's tall frame stumbling through the door. He looks awful and yet oh so handsome at the same time. His hair is messy, which isn't a bad point, his eyes look tired and have dark circles under them and I see his hands shaking from over here.

"Son, come here and join the family breakfast!", Claudia calls him over.

Silence. We just hear his footsteps disappearing down the hallway.

"Oh no, he won't!", she grumbles, before getting up and chasing after him. If she was a comic figure, I swear there would've come smoke out of her ears. As far as I know she doesn't tolerate her children ignoring her... Juli giggles beside me, excited to see her brother getting yelled at.

A minute later Claudia drags a grumbling Jayden back into the room. He doesn't look at me and just sits down next to his dad. Nobody seems to be questioning his appearance, probably because they already know him in this state, but to me he looks terrible.

Silence engulfs the table since nobody starts talking again. It seems Jayden's obviously bad mood radiates off of him towards everyone. Well, not me, because I already felt bad before...

"So what do you want to do today?", Claudia tries to ease the tense atmosphere.

"I'm meeting up with a friend", Juli tells us and smiles. I fake a smile for her to not be a horrible friend and continue to stare down at the table again, playing around with my glass of water.

"I'm kinda tired from last night, so I'll just stay here", Dylan says, throwing me a smirk, making me want to drown myself and letting his parents gasp. Juli only raises an eyebrow. She doesn't buy it.

Shit! Their parents must think something horrible about me now after that comment! Jackson watches me with surprise, Claudia with incredulity. I immediately avert my eyes and watch my nervously playing fingers again.

I feel sick with fear once again, to scared to speak up even, Dylan's words just have this effect on me now it seems.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Jayden being all tense. When I carefully look up I see Dylan smirking at him, while Jayden glares a hole in his head. I swear, I never saw so much hatred in someone before. What's going on between these two? Did they have an argument or something?

"Okay, uhm...", Claudia struggles for words, apparently feeling the tension between her sons as well. "What about you, Holly?"

She turns to me with a smile, making me even more uncomfortable when suddenly all eyes land on me again.

"I, uh... I- I- I don't know?", I stutter self-consciously, my voice small and shaky.

"Is everything alright, dear?", Jackson asks frowning and I swiftly nod.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'm fine", I smile perhaps a bit to brightly, but they buy it anyways, nodding and changing the topic.

The whole breakfast is uncomfortable as fuck and in the end even Claudia and Jackson seem to realize they won't succeed in raising the mood. Dylan switches between smirking at me and smirking at Jayden, throwing his brother all kind of smug looks, confusing me a bit. Yet, I don't really care, I have my own pain to deal with right now.

His smirks however make me extremely uneasy, it's just as if he's literally telling me I should watch my back from now on. I wouldn't have been surprised if he tried to take advantage of me then and there.

Making my way back to my room, I lock the door and walk over to my bedroom. A certain blade calls me. I never tried this before, but breaking a ladies' shaver shouldn't be to hard, should it? Well, I'd have to try to find out.

Five minutes later I managed to destroy it by hitting it hard enough with one of my crutches. Carefully taking out the three little blades, I pick the one which is the least bent from the blow. Sighing in relief, I sit down on the closed toilet, pulling my shirt up and pressing the blade against the side of my stomach. Since I can't let them see new cuts, I decided to try and use another area of my body.

When I finally drag the blade over my skin and tiny droplets of blood start to appear my body finally starts to relax a bit. I cut again, using the same exact spot, drawing even more blood.

And again.

Now the red liquid flows down my side freely, giving my mental pain a visualization. Again sighing in relief and joy, I start with another cut a bit under the first one. Three more follow till I decide to stop, not because I want to, but because I don't want to be found passed out. That would only lead to more questions I don't want to answer.

Because I'm actually quite embarrassing myself here. Holding on to a man that doesn't love me back and pitying myself over something that probably was a joke. I mean, who would even think about touching me with lust?! I'm disgusting and I can't let myself forget that once again.