To heal a broken heart

Chapter 29

~Holly's POV~

I just lay on my bed and drown my thoughts in sad music when my door suddenly flies open and Juli skips into the room.

"Ey, girl, I knocked for like ten minutes, but you wouldn't answer! What's wrong?", she asks curiously, only to see my headphones and letting realization glaze over her eyes.

"Oh. Well, let's talk about this morning, okay? What the fuck did Dylan mean with the night being short, looking at you like that?! Please tell me you didn't seriously sleep with him!", she pleads incredulously. My eyes widen at her assumption and I quickly shake my head. She looks at me expectantly, but I don't know what to say, so I just shrug.

"He, uhm... He... Well, he kinda tried... He wanted to do something, but I didn't and ended up vomiting on him", I told her reluctantly. It's her brother for fuck's sake, how shall I tell her that he practically tried to rape me?!

She seems confused for a moment, but then her eyes widen.

"You mean like he kissed you?! But you like Jayden!", she calls out loudly, making me shoot up and cover her mouth.

"Shh!", I hush her hurriedly. "Don't be so loud, what the fuck! And he kinda touched me, but it's nothing, don't worry about it."

I don't want her to turn on me too. She'd always hold to her brother, I mean he's her own blood, what else would she do? So I do the only thing possible and try to lie to her about the feelings the whole situation caused me.

"It's really nothing, I just hope he realized that I don't want anything from him. You know I lo- like Jayden", I mumble, my voice going silent in the end.

"Oh my god, did you just say the l-word?!", she starts squealing and I immediately flush like a tomato.

"I- I-"

"Oh my gosh, that's so cute! Ahhh! Please, you two have to get together! I'm sure he likes you too! The way he looks at you these days says everything!", she squeals again, practically fangirling by now.

"I- Uhm... But- He- I, uhm... I don't think so to be honest", I shyly murmur back. She raises an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"He, ugh, he saw me with Dylan and didn't do anything. I don't think he cares at all", I mumble, my voice starting to wobble while I feel tears starting to gather in my eyes. Juli falls silent at my explanation. She seems to be deep in thought, but in the end her expression only looks puzzled and helpless.

"Okay, uhm, well, I don't know. Perhaps he was shocked?", she tries, but I just snort.

"Gosh, would you please realize, that he'd never be interested in someone like me! We talked so much about this already and here's the final proof! Men like him don't date girls like me!", I explode and immediately bury my face in my pillow when I'm done with yelling. Tears started to fall, making me look and sound even uglier. Juli seemed taken aback, but I just don't want to hear her excuses anymore, even she as my best friend should realize the truth someday:

Nobody loves an ugly, annoying, disgusting and burdening fatass like me. Never.

"Holly? Please don't cry", I hear Juli's soft, quiet voice after a few minutes of stunned silence.

"Go away, Juli", I mumble tiredly into my pillow. I just want to drown in self-pity, because apparently that's the only thing I can do right.

"I'm definitely not leaving right now! Please, come on, let's just cry together! I'll get us some ice cream and chips and we can watch sad movies", she suggests, but I just shake my head, still suffocating in my pillow.

"I just want the pain to go away", I mumble to myself, but she seemed to hear it.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, Holly", she quietly murmurs, sounding truly sad now. It's the first time in forever, that she doesn't come up with something positive she can find in this. Usually she always tries to show me the good side of a problematic situation, but now even she seems to give up.

I don't react anymore and after an eternity of silence I feel her getting up and leave.

I continue to sob into my pillow, somewhere along the line turning around only because I can't breath anymore. I don't want to die from suffocation.

Although I don't deserve any better. It'd make everyone around me happier. Even Juli would recover from initial sadness or whatever she'd feel and move on quickly. My parents don't care anyways, the rest of the Davis family would probably be grateful to not have to care for another mouth and my classmates... They hate me as it is.

I cry harder, feeling incredibly lonely on this planet. Why couldn't I be born as someone else? Someone having a functioning family or loving people around in general. I wish I'd be someone who doesn't constantly wish to be loved, someone not NEEDING to feel like that, because that someone IS loved.

Welp, not going to happen.