Voyage of the Star Killer

Chapter 18

Section 1. Malice and Mayhem

2195_11_27-30-2196_01_14

Galena procured more medical journals for the empath, but one shift saw the doctor ask the young lieutenant to visit some of the more infirm patients. Serena's effect on them was profound. Galena noted everything in her patients' files. 

The Dame waited for Serena in the conservatory, where they discussed her reaction to the change in her title, explored some of her strengths, and addressed more intimate matters.With her mother dead at an early age, Serena had never had someone with whom to discuss such things. Dame Meniere explained what happened with the first mate, how Serena and the captain exploded together - Liam with need and Serena with pent up emotions.

Serena's cheeks heated as she cleared her throat. "Does that mean that the captain and I - will it ever be like that - will it - our first time was just so...."

Dame Meniere tittered at the question. "I expect it will be like that every time, Child. A man doesn't look at a woman the way your captain looks at you without filling with need. Time and time again."

"But how do you know? Up until the lottery declaring us husband and wife, he still engaged in sexual relations with anything that walked. His reaction to me was just that legendary appetite of his. He'd been celibate - we hadn't - he hadn't...."

Dame Meniere patted the delicate hand of the much more powerful younger woman. "It is easy to confuse what we feel with what we know to be true. Feelings alone cannot guide you. Think back to after your joining - a joining that was both physical and mental. You were left feeling small and inconsequential. How did the other woman really feel herself?"

Serena remembered the woman's hurtful words and listened closely, hearing the underlying pain. "She was jealous, and hurting because of his rejection. She was confused - unable to understand how he seems so satisfied with me while he could never seem to not control their trysts."

Serena's eyes flew open. "But we hadn't even - not until then. He was satisfied? He - with me?" Her blush deepened.

Dame Meniere laughed throatily. "Yes, child. Everyone knows of the captain's control. He is not known for making rash decisions or losing his head. It has become a matter of pride among some species and races to try to goad him into difficult situations. Many of us worry for his health. But the change in him since marrying you has been noticeable. He seems more restful. I wonder if you were helping him without knowing it."

Serena twisted her fingers together. "He's not sleeping well. I have slept by his side every night since our wedding until recently. When I've gone to bed this week, it hurt to think of lying beside him, so I slept on the couch." Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"You are hurt, child, and want to lash out at the thing that hurt you the most, which happens to be your husband, who also happens to be your captain. You must remember that marriage, especially to an empath, is new to him, too. We keep ourselves set apart so much that little is known about us beyond other empaths. He didn't know what to expect. He had no point of reference. It was not that he was rejecting you so much as he was rejecting the need to inflict further pain upon you. He's a warrior and protects that which is his own. You will be his finest asset. But you must learn to work together."

"Thank you, Dame. You've given me much to consider." 

Serena excused herself, wandering aimlessly about the ship, thinking about everything she'd learned.

If it was true that he wasn't rejecting me outright, then why had he thought to seek a divorce from a higher authority? Well, as captain, he holds himself responsible for everyone on the ship - crew and civilian alike. If I wasn't here, if I wasn't his - he couldn't be held responsible for inflicting - for hurting me.