Serotonin

4.

I went upstairs and knocked on my dad's door. I always hated when he locked his door because i was always scared that he was going to hurt himself.

"Dad? Are you okay in there?" I aksed him through the door.

It was silent for a second but then i heard the lock click open.

I carefully opened the door. My dad was sitting on his bed with an picture frame in his hands.

I sat down next to him and put my hand on his hand.

"Do you think that she misses me?" He said with his finger next to mom's face.

"Mabye. Do you still miss her?"

He nodded. "That's bad, isn't it?"

I shook my head. "No it isn't bad, as long as you don't let it take over your life."

He stayed quiet.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I have to work in the morning." I said as i stood up.

"You don't have to work so much. I can try to sell some of my old paintings. I don't want you to throw your childhood away to a useless dad."

It kinda broke my heart when he said that. He was in no way useless. He was just having a hard time which has caused him to stop painting. He used to be a professional painter, he even made a good living from it.

But after my mom left with Jasmin he stopped painting which eventually left me no other choice but to find a job myself.

I shook my head and smiled at him. "You're not useless and i don't mind working."

"I just want to help." He said in a sad tone.

"You need to help yourself first." I said as i looked him in the eyes.

He stayed quiet and looked at the picture that he was holding.

I gently took the picture from him and sat it down on his nightstand. "Goodnight dad, i love you." I said as kissed his cheek.

He mumbled an "i love you too" back before laying down on his bed.

I sighed and left his room. This news would definitely put him in a bad headspace again.

I went to my own room to finally take these stupid work clothes off. I had been wearing longer them longer than i liked to.

A small card fell on the ground when I took my aprin off. It was the business card that the doctor had given me. I didn't really have any intention on contacting him but it was a nice gesture.

I did put his private number in my phone just in case something happend.

After i had done that i got ready for bed and went to sleep after i had watched some Netflix.

I woke before my alarm clock had a change to ring. I fucking slept horrible, i kept waking up every hour.

I looked at my phone and saw that my alarm clock would ring in 30 minutes. I sighed and turned it off, i was already awake and had intention off going back to sleep.

Normally i would do school in the morning but after the little stunt i pulled at work yesterday i had to take the morning shift.

I put my work clothes on and tiptoed downstairs. I knew that my dad was still sleeping because i could hear him snoring.

I quickly ate some breakfast and then grabbed my bike to leave for work.

"I'm here." I with a tired voice to my boss as i clocked in.

"Finally, here you can open the front door. You can clean the restaurant until there are customers." He said as he handed me the keys.

I nodded and did as he said.

It wasn't really a busy day in the restaurant, like usual. So my morning mainly consisted of mobing the floors.

After my shift ended i had around an hour of free time until i needed to leave to my next job.

Next to being a waitress i clean old people's houses. I love that job a hundred times more than the one at the restaurant. The old people were always so nice and grateful. I mean they are always a few scary people but you learn how to deal with them.

I went home to change my clothes and quickly eat something. My dad was still in his room, i didn't feel like interrupting him so i just left for work.

I biked to the home that i was supposed to clean today and knocked on the door. Most of time i didn't know who was going to be behind that door so i was always a bit nervous.

A friendly looking woman opened the door. "You must be Olivia." She said with a smile.

I smiled relieved back at her. I was happy that she was a nice old lady.

Within 2 hours i was finished and i was finally able to go home. The woman thanked me and tipped me pretty well. I got paid by the company but it was always nice if the elderly tipped me.

The house was dark and quiet when i got home. I sighed and trew my keys on the table. It was hard to stay happy when the house looked so depressing.

I trew a pizza in the oven and opened the curtains to bring some light in the room.

I knocked on my dad's door before i walked into his room. His room was still completely dark.

"I brought you some food." I said in a soft tone as i said the plate down on his nightstand.

"I'm not hungry." He said with a tired voice.

I sighed and sat down next to him on the bed. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm just tired."

"I'm going to visit Jasmin tonight, do you want to come with me?" I said hoping that he would say yes.

"Mabye next time." He said with a small smile.

I nodded to him before I stood up and left his room.

It was always difficult to see my dad like this, he deserved to be happy.

I went to my room to finally do some school work. I wasn't really doing that great in school but i simply didn't have time to study more.

After a while i got tired of staring at that stupid laptop. I looked at my phone, it was 9PM. I sighed and shut my laptop off, i was done with school for today.