Erasure and Affirmation (Hypernaturals 11)

Joe Random

"You know you could have asked for forgiveness. You have a pass." Morgan said.

"No." I said.

"I agree. No." Helen concurred.

Jessica looked slightly stricken. "I fucked this up for all of you."

"No, Jessica. You made it crystal clear why we have that kind of thing." I said. "We are Vampires. We have time. We need everything above board and communicated in the open."

"Look at the bright side, Jessica: You demonstrated the rule's reason in 3D Technicolor." Morgan said.

"Great." Jessica told her in a tone that made it obvious it was anything but great.

"Simi naked. Very inviting. I look forward to this project. The woman is every dark shade of brown there is. Much darker than you, my dear" She told Jessica. "Her nipples verge on black. Mouthwatering."

"You would be proud. We were self-restraint itself." I said.

"How did Adrian do?" Jessica asked.

"He was lovely. Not self-restrained at all. I came twice. Not small ones either. He was inspired. Why?" Helen asked.

"Not like that. I mean in bed. With another man." Jessica said.

"How many times do I have to tell you! I have done stuff like that! Remember? Vera? Group sex? Honestly." I protested.

"As I said: I came twice, Jessica. That says it all." Helen explained. "Adrian was focused on me. He admired and openly lusted after Simi's luscious body, and I imagine he wanted to fang her between the legs as much as I did, but he made love with me. As things progressed, he talked to Tobey about things Simi likes, for future reference. Now I know them too. It was all very friendly. Very comfortable. With the conversation out of the way about Tobey's gender preferences, it was understood how everything was going to work. Boys with girls. Girl with girl someday. Boys not with boys and that is both of their preference. I doubt Tobey ever plans to even try it with another man, the way Adrian is. No tension. No worries about naked men seeing other naked men with erections. They were pointed at Simi and I. Tobey is Ninovan. He is used to open sexual expression. Adrian is Poly. So is Tobey. I believe that their worry and their conversation was based upon the idea that we are not Ninovan's, and that we would not understand. When it was obvious we understood, it was all laid to rest. Also, Simi looks more than merely tasty: she looks and sounds like she will be fun. Fanging her will have audible results of sexual joy."

"Good." Jessica said.

"My only issue will be the day we have another man in THIS bed, with us, and if is he interested in me. I assume if he is in this bed, then we have all approved of him and love him. I am sure I do not have to belabor the point that if I did not like him, he would not be here. If I did not think he would treat the people I love with the respect and love they deserve, I would not say 'yes'. Those are the only two barriers to fixing our imbalance, but they are not insignificant. Laying next a guy having sex? I can do that all night and day. I am not threatened by a naked man." I said.

"I wish DeWayne or Danny were not otherwise encumbered. I would kind of like to see that." Jessica said.

"Me not being threatened?" I said. "You just heard Helen. Ask Vera, too. The only complaint I had from her is one time when she said it looked like I was more into the other woman than I was with her. An outside looking in problem. She was very vocal because she was turned on by getting a strange guy. For her, it was a forbidden fruit / zipless fuck kind of thing, and she was letting the world know it was a guilty pleasure. Vera thought that meant I was holding back with her. You know what? There just are not that many different ways to do things, and my mouth was not suddenly electrified. It merely sounded that way. How to know Jessica was not enjoying Alexander: not a peep. Not a sound. Circling back to men in our bed: The difference is night and day if they are with one of you, or wanting to be with me."

"Would you care now about who is with Vera?" Morgan asked. "I presume that, in those days you described, you did not."

"That, my love, is an excellent question. Perhaps a sign of our relationship back then not being all it should have been. When Vera first started at the Siren Hall and tried out the local talent, I had no room to say anything. We were not together, and she was making a point about my deficiencies as a lover. I have never said it out loud, but when Angel started helping her find her supplemental attention, I understood that Angel was working to fix her own problem as a lover for Vera, IE, her gender. I respected her willingness to compensate, if that is the right word. I cannot imagine it is easy to see all these people Angel does not know, other than her reading of them in the moment when she picks them out, with her love. I hope with Kevin and/or Johnny that issue is resolved. That the men in Vera's bed and body are people Angel likes."

"That is not an answer." Morgan said.

"I am thinking out loud, dear heart. Working it out in my head." I told her.

"I see. Carry on." Morgan encouraged.

"I know you all have at various times not understood this, but I love Vera. I care about her. I am at the same time really relieved she ended up with Angel because Angel can take care of her in ways I never could. I am not a jealous type, but I have learned I can be hurt and made exceptionally angry by situations like that. Same as you. Don't wince, Jessica: I am being honest. You try that again, I'm going full Helen on your ass."

"OK. You should. Never again, though. I can be taught." Jessica agreed.

"It will be a bloody line." Helen contributed.

"Three on one." Morgan added.

I continued my out-loud thinking. "I am OK with Kevin. I like Kevin. Less OK with Johnny because I do not know him. I would infinitely prefer Vera be able to settle down with only Angel, or only Angel and Kevin. Were Vera and I together, it is hard to see how it could just be the two of us. I am a documented failure as a lover for her. By myself. Should there be another man I like as much as Kevin, Danny, or even DeWayne? Would he and I be enough? Yes. Would Vera, myself, and a long sequence of Joe Random's work? No. I did that for seven years. It does not work, and now that I know what DOES work, which is you, my loves, I could never go back to how Vera and I were. Long answer to your question then, now that I thought it out is I do care, but I have no say now, and to be with Vera, I would need to have a say. I would need her to have the white list. She and Angel have a blacklist. People they cannot be with. They call it trust, but I think it is that Angel knows she can read Vera like a book. If Vera goes off the farm for a quicky with Joe Random, and particularly if said Joe is a scuzzball, they will be having a talk. Angel would tell Vera she gets to pick. If Vera and I were together now, I would have a say, or we would not be together."

Morgan accepted that as an answer.