Erasure and Affirmation (Hypernaturals 11)

Waiting is Story Time

We have more people in our car than the Dallas Siren-darting operation requires. Alice and Luciana are in the third row. Vera, Morgan, and I in the second row. Up in front is Jessica driving and Denise riding shotgun.

"Tell me to fuck off if this is too personal, but I am curious as to the depth of your feeling and reasoning concerning your need to pay for your time on the Crew." Morgan said to Denise. "I comprehend the need. Only wonder at the depth. Why you hold yourself back from current engagements that you desire and frankly that you deserve, but that you deny yourself while you pay for past transgressions."

"I am curious about that too." Jessica said.

Denise turned part of the way to face both Jessica and us. She settled against the door.

"You have killed, Morgan. I know your history. Your entire time as a police Detective you never killed until the end. It was a point of pride: Not using deadly force even while being on the Homicide squad and having to face down people at the point of a gun. In one report I read, as an example, a man that wanted to rape you in a parking lot. You did not shoot him though no jury would have convicted you. Killing changed you. Correct?" Denise asked.

"Yes. You are correct." Morgan nodded slowly to affirm the characterization of her. "Since that fateful time in Houston, the only people I have killed that I have lost little sleep over are the child molesters. Even the HPA in Europe affected me more. Killing Tommy got to me the most. I did that with my bare hands. I felt what I did as vibration from his neck-snapping went up my arms and into my memories. I did not hesitate to kill Tommy and I would not again, but it affected me."

"The Morgan I used to know would never have threatened Alexander the way she did and does," I chimed in. Maybe not the best time to point this out but then: when is?

"That is true. At the same time, I am serious about hurting him too." Morgan said.

"Exactly. Adrian: When you first killed, it was the drug smuggler, right?" Denise asked.

"Yes. I lost a LOT of sleep over that. I felt the guys guts wrap around my hand as I drove him into the side of that plane. That mental image and the associated physical memories still haunt me. It's like Morgan just said: Up my arms and into my mind." I said.

"This is the man that wanted to kill you and rape and kill Helen. a man that was planning on dropping your drugged body out of a plane. The only reason you are alive is that you are Vampire and recovered quickly enough to make a controlled jump out of the plane and into water. The Lake. That Helen was able to dig you out of the water where you were drowning and give you mouth to mouth while treading water. No small feat, by the way. Try it sometime. An early sign Helen did not hate you." Denise said.

"Yes. To all of that." I agreed.

"In your mind then there is a distinction between killing. One set of persons were child molesters, so they deserved it more. You did not like being the executioner even then. In cases like those, you are also judge and jury. Your end-to-end actions forced upon you, but you agreed with the necessity. Not looking for an answer, merely framing mine. In my second house, in London, there was a customer. I did not like the look of him from the moment he walked into my House. I did not like his scent any better. I did not like what I saw in his interview. One of my girls, the one that did most of the BDSM stuff, said she would take him on. That was her kink. She thought she could control it. Thought he understood the rules. She was one of the humans in my house too, so it was risky stuff for her. Maybe that's the thrill? No idea. Not my thing. For BDSM work we had a specialized room, we called the dungeon, but it was not one. It was just where all the gear was kept. Cuffs and chains and ball-gags and stockades and all that stuff. You know. A St. Andrews cross. Everything from a bed with velvet ropes on up. The tools of the trade. I was never comfortable with that line of the business so I kept that room under surveillance. Not to be prurient: to be safe. Customers were warned they could not permanently hurt someone, and also that when we were doing the Dom side that they would not be seriously injured. Fantasy only. If they wanted real pain, go elsewhere. There were and are speciality places that do that. I did not need their money that badly. Spanking was one thing, but no broken bones. No cutting. No breaking skin. The safe word is ALL. Once spoken, stop. End of discussion."