Erasure and Affirmation (Hypernaturals 11)

Before the Fall There Was Another Fall

Jessica listened to Tobey explain the disconnect thoughtfully. "I see. I must point out that before recently, I would not have been able to talk about this at all. At a friend's wedding, I found forgiveness in myself via my family that has healed me enough I can talk about it without getting angry."

"That is good." Simi said. "We like this pavilion."

Jessica smiled at the levity, looked up at the roof. "Oh no. I was mad at Alexander. And myself. I would never hurt a community thing like this. Helen and Denise would kick my butt."

Jessica settled in for the tale. "Here it is then. It is not just about my ultimate dumbfuckery of that night. It started long before then. When I was human, I had both younger and older sisters. We lived away from the city because my father is Hispanic, and my mother white, and that was just not done back then. Easier to be out in the country and away from the judgment and the insults. My parents were a bit traditional about some things, and when it came my time to marry, I had no man I was interested in. They agreed to let my next younger sister marry, but later, when the youngest wanted to marry, they told me they wanted me to marry first. I still had no love. At the very best I could hope for at the time, the men around our area of New Mexico may have wanted to fuck to see what being with the jolly brown giant was like. No man of any color wanted a shrew like me for more than a quickie. I did not want to get married, but my parents insisted, and my sister begged me, and so they talked me into it against my better judgment. I was not afraid of sex, so I thought 'How bad can it be?'. Jesus fuck, I had no idea."

Jessica paused, remembering. "My dad loved me but he also did not want me being a strong-willed girl about this, as I had been my entire life, and to just do what he said. Marriage is a good thing and all that shit. He was happy being married. He had the love of his life, and she was willing to put up with all the cultural garbage to be with him. Secretly, mom loved that I had a mind of my own, but she would not openly disagree with dad over this. Her parents back in Ireland taught her that the man is the head of the household. She had already gone as non-traditional as she was going to. Her family disowned her over Dad, so she was going to stick with him no matter what. I am sure she despaired of me ever finding someone on my own as well."

"Old Days. Old ways. You know what? I do not miss them." Simi said.

"Tell me about it." Jessica agreed. "It took a while, showing you just how hard a sell I was back then, but my parents found someone willing to marry me, but only if I came with a dowry. Land, a cabin. Money. Like that. They negotiated. Jesus, a typical Hispanic name, by the way, would get everything he wanted, including ongoing payments, and they struck a deal. I was sold off, with a warning from my dad that I was to obey my husband. I just cost him a fortune. We were not rich."

Tala looked positively horrified. "Dowry? I did not think they did things like that so recently? I thought that practice was ... well... older than you are!"

"They did it from time to time when they had a problem child like me. None of my sisters came with one. They found their husbands on their own. My youngest sister? The one that begged me to do this so she could marry? She was white-passing and had landed herself a nice white boy up in town. Nice kid, and a good prospect. Being a giant with an attitude I was therefore unattractive and unmarriable. A mutant. " Jessica explained.

"I am appalled. I did not know. I am sorry." Tala said.

There was general agreement at the table from those listening. I estimated the distance to Alexander and decided his Vampire hearing meant he could hear this tale, and the set of his body is such that I know he is tuned in. One ear cocked her way. I am sure he would hear this and still not understand. Whatever: This baring of the soul is about Jessica helping normal people understand. Alexander is another story.

Jessica laughed at Tala's apology. "It gets better. I get married so my sister can, and my shiny new husband and I move to our house my parents built for us out that the edge of their land, where they had deeded him some acreage of theirs. He starts to beat the living hell out of me. I did not know how to fight back then. I wasn't supposed to talk back either, but I completely did. I was angry at myself for even agreeing to this thing. I did not love him, and he clearly hated me. He was in it for the money and the double bag sex. I was ugly, but my female anatomy worked, so he would beat me senseless, and then while I was lying on the floor, fuck me. If I said anything, he would choke me or hit me some more. Given the difference in our heights, they do not call it a right uppercut for nothing. Jesus was a street fighter, it seemed, and I was the punching bag."

"Oh my god." Tala was horrified.

"It was different times, Tala. Women did not fight back. Their husbands ruled the roost. I could not leave him and go home: My Dad told me to obey him. Women were chattel. I hated myself. I hated that I let my parents do this to me, I hated my godforsaken spouse, I hated that I was not brave enough to just say 'No' and leave him. I did later after he killed my baby. Different story. So, I lay there, the man I hated hurting me and screwing me, calling me names, and telling me I was lucky I had him because no one else would, even if my pussy was fine as hell and the only thing on me worth a good goddamn and so on. Guess he liked small breasts because he said I was a cow, and just slapped my breasts until they glowed red. I did nothing but cry and hate myself. I knew I was better than this. That I did not deserve any of that. Let's put a pin in that and call it the worst sex I ever had. It was a wife's duty. Knowing that what happened with Alexander is the second-worst sex of my life. Just barely better than that. Barely. If he had tried to beat me or call me a name, it would have been over, but he skated along on the ragged edge of asshole, pistoning my stiff and angry body and talking to me about how great it was, what a nice dick he has, how he is better in bed than Adrian, you get the idea." Jessica paused after that dark scenario. I know the story, of course, but it never gets easier to hear.

Jessica scanned the Ninovan women present. "All of the women here at this table have been Alexander's sex partner, and maybe it was nothing like what I just described for you. Or it was but you do not expect better or more. Maybe you just wanted to have a baby and were willing to pay the price of self-absorbed sex to get one. You have never had better from a male Vampire so you think that is how it is supposed to be. You shrug and you say to yourself 'well, the Earth moved', even if it was just Vampire gauge physical strength pinning you to the mattress. Trust me on this: when the Earth moves, it is supposed to be for better reasons than power ratios."

"Male Vampires are rare." Simi pointed out.

"They are. Every single one I know about a better lover than that." Jessica said.