Erasure and Affirmation (Hypernaturals 11)

The Lists

Jessica continued her explanation. Story. I am not sure which this is, other than opening up to new friends."That is my past. My history. The frame, if you will, that to this day colors my life. The next part of my issue with Alexander is much more current. As Simi knows we have a rule in our marriage: it is OK to have outside sexual relationships IF, and only IF that person has been approved by the rest of the people in the marriage. Some might call that an open marriage. Others might call that merely ethical polyamory. Polyamory is common in Vampires, and not uncommon in humans. Open marriages better than having a cheating spouse. Etc."

"I do not know how other versions of those things work and frankly other than clinical interest I do not care. For us, we have chosen this path." Jessica shrugged here to punctuate the fact that those are the ways of others. "This all started when Adrian and I asked Helen to marry us. She was already seeing Rachel and Holly, and we told her we were not asking her to change, just to be with us too. Helen agreed, as you know. At about the same time, Adrian fell in love with Morgan, and she with him. Morgan ended up being turned, but that was an accident. We love Morgan, so we put her on his list, but they did nothing with that for years. Morgan would not be involved in Polyamory as a human, though perhaps that is oddly human. She was involved with many men. Only one at a time. After she turned, she started to see things longer term."

Simi gave that a nod. "The Vampire perspective."

"When Adrian went missing for a while in Europe, I proposed to Morgan a few times myself. She demurred. When he reappeared, she and I flew to France, and she proposed to him and we got married on the spot. She skipped family approved lover and went directly to spouse. Angel and Vera are on all our lists, as you know. All of this listing and marrying created a real problem. We talked about it inside the marriage all the time, but we never solved it. Care to guess what that is?" Jessica looked around to see if anyone had an idea.

I know, of course, but that's cheating.

"Gender and preference imbalance?" Tobey ventured

"Exactly." Jessica said, pointing a finger at him. "Morgan, Adrian, and I all identify as Hetero. Helen is Bi. Angel is Bi perhaps.. maybe Pan. Vera is hetero but fell in love with Angel when she was a Siren, and still is now that she is Vampire. If you line all that up, you see two Bi, four heteros, but one male, five females. That does not work on paper. We were talking about things such as 'how should we add a Bi or Het male to the arrangement?' It did not have to be a marriage. Just someone Morgan and I could have sex with, in addition to Adrian. Morgan and I like our boys. Helen could give a shit because Adrian is all she wants in that department. She likes her girls. All this is before Carol and DeWayne's wedding when the walls came tumbling down, and we are talking about before that."

Simi asked "You were thinking of making that additional male in your relationships or marriage be Alexander? He would be a balance ... err... guy?"

"Oh, hell the fuck no!" Jessica exclaimed. "No, but first: You all get the list thing? Right? Permission from ALL your spouses to have sex with someone else. Anyone else?"

"I know about it. I am not sure that I would like to cede my personal choice like that." Simi commented.

Tala agreed. "Me either."

"Ninovan's have been doing open relationships for centuries and doing it differently." I commented. "None of you marry. You made the group the family, and you mixed parenting in such that there is no real direct line of relationships other than making sure you are not a lover with an offspring. Alexander can skate on parenting with no harm to the kids that way. Like Siren Creches, but both genders involved. I like that you understand protecting children like that. Children need stability growing up. Security. You do it in Ninovan in numbers."

"Us, in a nutshell." Simi agreed.

"As crappy a father as Alexander is, and as much as I tried to force him to be better, I also knew the community was there for my Kimberly. Simi. Tobey. Kevin. Everyone." Tala added.

I nodded my acknowledgment. "It works for you, and it has millennia of work behind it to perfect it. I, on the other hand, was raised by loving parents, and I always knew they loved and cared about me. I grew up knowing that security was important. After I turned, that still informed my thinking about relationships, and is why I wanted, in part, to marry Jessica. That and I love the hell out of her."

"He forgave me Alexander. He really does," Jessica said.

"Jessica, even as a Vampire, accepted my proposal of marriage. I was the happiest man alive. Our marriage collided with the larger world of Vampire Polyamory. Helen could have stayed a lover and not become a wife, but that has its own issues around parity. We felt like we had to ask her. She accepted. Morgan needed the commitment too, for her own reasons. Marriage is about the four of us. Our relationships with each other and also in the larger world. How we are always being challenged to adapt to new situations. Not only Ninovan but other couples we love. Angel and Vera. DeWayne and Carol. Danny and Lori. Plus situations like Denise, where she wants to make the four of us into the five of us. At our core is our commitment to each other. Our marriage. It is not only our security for our kids but the background against which we deal with everything else, including each other. I think that as much as I respect and admire Ninovan ideals, that for us, this way works better. It frames, for example, how we are going to move forward with our future child with Simi and Tobey. I insist on being involved, my wives understand and support this about me, and it is why Helen insisted on being part of it. How we hybridized Ninovan ways and our own so that Simi and I can 'contribute' our child to Ninovan. A child that will grow up inside MY family, and also in the larger Ninovan culture, and know both ways, and always be secure no matter what. I will not have a child I cannot love and have them know they are loved, by me, their father. How I was raised."

Simi shook her head slowly. "So different from Alexander as to not be believed."

Tobey agreed. "I find that even having grown up a Siren, and therefore in a culture of the Creche, and later in Ninovan where the group is the family culture, that I admire this. I look very forward to being an involved father with not only Simi and my child, but Adrian, Simi, and my child. I will treat our children this way. As mine. Also ours. As a young Siren male, there are those that were more involved with their children, even in the creche. I know for example that your friend Kuzman, over in Belgium, is. I was not that way, and now I feel that I robbed myself of something important. With this fresh start, I intend to change that."

"A hybrid of our marriage and the Ninovan way." I said. "Jessica is mama. How she is. Rachel and Laura no more know who their biological mother is than Diana does. Technically, they do... But they don't."

Jessica touched my leg affectionately. "When Adrian asked me to marry him, it was and is the happiest day of my life. This whole thing with Alexander confirmed for me that if I ever had any doubts then being married is what I personally need. I needed the love, and also the loving kicks in the ass, firmly delivered by my loves."

"Ongoing project." I said.

"Back to why Alexander was such a mistake. At that point in time, and much has gone on since to change this, but back then we THINK we have this problem, and we had at the time been going round and round on it. No traction. No candidates. It was hurting us in that Helen was spending more and more time with Rachel because she did not want to try and insert herself between Morgan, Adrian, and I. The three of us got close. Really close. Helen was feeling left out, and as the only Bi, she had the best alternate options. Again: This was then. My escapade into stupid-Vampire-lady land forced some changes for the better here. A positive result in a bad situation. Even NOW though, inside my marriage, I am a heterosexual woman with two female lovers and one male one. I love them to death, or I could not be with them like that. In the middle of all this stressing about balance, we arrive in Ninovan. Land of free love. All the sex you can eat, with no consequences. If only."