touring - m.g.c

twenty. [m.g.c]

Casey had been gone a week now, and I had done nothing but lie in bed during the day and cry to myself. I hadn't spoken to anyone, I would literally get up to be ready for the show, do the show and go back to bed, I would only eat if I was on my own and I wouldn't talk during shows.

The reality of what I did to her had hit me hard, I had hurt her, ripped her heart out. It must have been hard for her to have seen me doing that, Casey and I had never had sex because we were waiting for the right moment, she wanted it to be special, and for her to see that would have torn her up inside.

I looked at both of my hands, inspecting then carefully. I had bruises all over my knuckles and arms from punching walls and myself. This was all my own stupid fault. If I wasn't such a complete and utter failure as a person, I might not have torn the girl I loved in two.

I had driven her away from me, across the world. That's how much she was hurt by me, how much she hated me.

She didn't live me anymore, I didn't love me anymore, I hated me. I was a joke in myself.

The boys and management tried to talk to me so many times but I just couldn't speak. I couldn't function, I couldn't do anything, I was stuck in this trance of guilt, regret, loneliness, hurt and also love.

I always thought about her, about what she would be doing, if she was happy. God I hoped she was happy, that's all I cared about, her happiness. And if that wasn't me then so be it. I just wished that's hinge could be different, that I could go back on time and stop us even going out that night and instead we could have a chilled night in together eating ice cream from tubs and watching films.

But life fucks us all over, right? Life waits for the best opportunity when everything seems to be good, and it then strikes you down like the son of god turned evil.

I needed Casey, I needed her voice to tell me that everything was going to be okay.

My phone buzzed from the other side of the room, I got up out of my bed and walked over to see what it was.

Casey; I'm gonna delete this number, I'm sorry Michael.

I threw my phone across the room, it hitting the was just next to my bed causing it to fall on my pillow. As I walked to get back in bed I saw one more text flash into my screen.

Casey; take care of yourself x