Lilia's Tale

Chapter 39: Aftermath

Even in my unconscious state, memories of my past and predictions of my future kept assaulting me. The disdain of the slaves when they first saw me. Yuki's acceptance. Yuki's illness...

Yuki's motionless corpse, the blade that pierced my arm, the farm's fire.

And Father, rescuing me.

I was the only one who could remember her. I had to keep those memories for her sake.

But what would happen to me if I were to fail in pleasing the Emperor? What if I can't even hide my wings by then? Even if I can, how do I address such an important figure?

Even in my unconscious state, I kept having nightmares. Nightmares of my failures. Nightmares of me failing to find a way to hide my wings. Nightmares of what would happen were my identity as a dragon be found out.

Yet, I also had spurts of hope. Father's rescue. Father's teachings. Father's warm embrace.

Even in my unconscious state, I could not keep going. Everything was overwhelming, and the little energy and happiness I found in Father would quickly be crushed by my inability to do what I should have, or what I will have to do. Yet, I knew, deep inside, I had to keep going. I had to keep trying and never give up. For Yuki, who died where I lived.

I suddenly opened my eyes. My head hurt like that one time I fell unconscious from having accidentally used water magic. The pain was overwhelming enough I could not move a limb no matter how I tried. I was motionless, trapped in this body, laying down. Just like Yuki's corpse.

My eyes started swelling with tears as the mere thought of her dead body came to my mind and overwhelmed it. No matter how much I tried to shake it, it wouldn't leave, as my vision blurred evermore. I kept trying, and I kept failing. Over and over again. It didn't matter how much of my exhausted mind I put onto the task, it would simply not be possible.

I opened my eyes again, slowly. Did I fall unconscious? I never remembered falling unconscious. What happened?

I looked at the now overly familiar ceiling of my room as I tried thinking of what was happening to me before I suddenly opened my eyes. Yet, no matter how much I tried to think, nothing came.

I slowly sat up, my body more sore than if I had just run around the entire planet. My limbs were slow to respond, but responding. I placed my left hand on my forehead, and tried thinking of what had just happened again.

Nothing.

My mind was more blank than unwritten paper. I was unable to even form a single coherent thought. Even thinking of questioning my own name was out of question. Thinking of my own name, Lilia, was too much. Just what happened?

I laid back down on my back, painfully aware that I wouldn't be able to do anything in my current situation...whatever it may be. I closed my eyes instinctively, and regretted it. Imagery of my past, precisely of Yuki's death, instantly started flooding my mind, prompting me to sit back up in panic, heavily panting and now crying.

I could not think. I could not sleep. I could not move. I could not do anything. All I could in this moment was suffer in my despair.

"You're awake?" I heard coming from my right, with a pained tone.

I slowly turned my head, as fear invaded me. However, when I saw Father with my blurry eyes, the fear turned into relief as my eyes flooded with tears of joy.

"Don't push yourself!" he said with a similar tone as he laid me back on my back. "What happened?"

"I don't know," was all I could answer.