My Only Weakness [INFIDGET]

Chapter Twenty-Two: I Failed You

A/N : Warning for sensitive topics.

A mental health awareness song for a mental health awareness chapter.

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POV: Zero

A day had passed already, Gadget still hasn't woke up yet and it was worrying me greatly. I was offered food but only ate once yesterday and today, I couldn't bring myself to eat anything more.

Some may say I was deliberately starving myself.

But I think otherwise.

My stomach protested sometimes, but I ignored it. I had much more pressing concerns than my stomach at the moment.

Sleeping wasn't exactly ideal either.

When I tried to sleep last night it ended on a nightmare - Shadow tortured Gadget in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it, there was screaming...and blood...lots of blood...

The nightmare had lead to some depression, not eating the healthy amount of meals per day, getting insomnia. I didn't even bother to hydrate myself, I was focused more on Gadget recovering.

I thought about the reason I stopped trying to kill myself, I thought about all those days where I tried to leave the world without succession, all those times my blood soaked my fur.

I thought about the relief I felt.

The relief of so much stress.

The relief of so much tension.

My arm ached for that relief, I cursed to myself and slipped into the private bathroom. I took the purple hoodie off and looked at myself in the mirror.

What am I doing?

Gadget wouldn't like me doing this.

I scowled.

But...I can't resist.

If only...

Just...

One...

Cut.

I clawed at my arm with one of my fingers, drawing blood immediately as I opened a scab from the previous cutting. I hissed in relief, smirking to myself.

Oh yes.

I licked the blood off my arm, wanting to cut further.

Two...

Four...

Six...

My arm was now littered with little cuts, I smirked at my handiwork. The relief washed over me like an oncoming tidal wave. I licked my arm clean, relishing in the taste of my blood.

Just a few more...

Eight...

Ten...

Twelve...

Feeling satisfied at my actions, I cleaned my arm again and covered the small cuts with my hoodie as I put it on, the hoodie was thick so the blood wouldn't seep through. I made sure everything was spotless in the bathroom before walking out and sitting beside Gadget, watching over him like I did before.

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A few hours had passed, and I was getting a bit restless again.

Damn uncomfortable seat.

I tossed and turned, trying to get a good sleeping position in the plastic chair. I curled my tail around myself and sighed, trying to fall asleep but I was unable to.

Why can't I sleep?...

I hid my face in my arms.

Stupid.

Coward.

Weak.

I growled to myself.

No.

I stood up and walked to the window to try and lift my thoughts.

I'm loved.

Appreciated.

I'm trying, Gadget...

I'm trying to stay strong...

But I can't...

I heard the door creak open and turned to who was entering the dark room.

"Just came to check on Gadget" The nurse flashed a smile before checking over Gadget. After she was finished she wished me goodnight and left.

It seems as if everyone is continuing on with life...

But why can't I move on?

I'm...stuck.

Trapped in an endless abyss with no way out.

I wonder what it's like...

I glanced over at Gadget, my ears folded low.

I don't want to fail you though...

I promised to never harm again.

And yet here I am.

I'm such a coward.

I turned towards the window again, seeing my reflection in the pane of glass, I noticed two damp lines down my cheeks.

Have I been...crying?

I wiped the tear that dripped down my chin, but more just flowed down and I had a sudden breakdown, sobbing uncontrollably into my hands.

I'm pathetic...

I slowed my sobbing and looked at my reflection in the window again, my bloodshot eyes stood out the most, along with my very damp cheeks.

Pull yourself together.

Crying is for the weak.

I'm not weak.