Lucky Me

"I-I'm being so selfish and ridiculous" I sniveled down the phone at Charlie. After Chris had left I ended up having the longest, coldest shower, before getting into my pajamas and breaking out the huge bag of candy I'd bought at the airport before I left Arizona. "I-it's not like I didn't know it would be like this" I sobbed, rubbing my already red and sore nose on a crumpled up tissue. I heard Charlie sigh down the phone. "I feel like shit Charl. I wish I'd never done it" I added, throwing the used tissue onto bed with the others that surrounded me. "well then, go and get him back" she told me, but I knew it was pointless. "but you know you can't mess the poor guy around. By the sounds of it you had already partly done that tonight" she told me- her words harsh but what I needed. "you can't tell him you want to break it off and then go calling him up, telling him you made a mistake- only then to figure out that after not seeing him again for another 6 months that it's still not enough"

She was right, I knew that. I needed to let him be. It would be cruel to change my mind right now, no matter how much I really wanted to. "I bet he fucking hates me" I sobbed, "like who does that, on the eve of him filming a new movie as well?" I said, starting to feel even worse if that was possible. "ugh I'm such a shitty person" I huffed, reaching for another Reese Cup. "at least he can forget me, and get on with his life, and I will spend the rest of my days unable to watch any God damn Marvel movie there is "

"you're fucking ridiculous" Charlie huffed. "get over yourself and own your decision." she snapped.

...........

Chris' POV

I decided to take a walk back to my hotel instead of calling an Uber. I needed to clear my head, taking all the time I could before finally reaching the lobby. Of course I half expected this to happen, but the other half was foolishly optimistic that she would put up with the way things had been. I was only kidding myself right? Man it sucked. I'd spent most of my twenties having fun, doing movies and casually dating. It was only now that I was well into my thirties that I felt was the right time to look at settling down. But how the hell am I supposed to do that when I can't even hold down a regular relationship? Maybe it was because she wasn't right for me. Maybe I had to find someone that was in the same business? But I was so sure it was. Yeah I was known for falling too fast, making rash decisions I suppose, but I was trying so desperately to do the right thing by her, make the right choices, but again I was left alone.

Lucky me.

All I wanted was to act. Not necessarily be a huge star, but just be a credible actor. The money and fame was just an added extra.

I reached into my pocket to pull out my room key and pulled out Dodger's dog tag with it. I ran my thumb over it and looked back down the hall for a moment. I wouldn't change my life for the world.

But maybe just for her.