Lucky Me

Broken Hearted

Friday came and my nerves were on fire with anticipation of the following couple of days. I had planned in my head a few things that I wanted to do with Chris, places I wanted to show him. And he had even said we could join my friends for a few drinks if they wanted to. He was comfortable with that. To say I was ecstatic was an under statement. The fact that he was willing to go public (at least to my friends) was beyond flattering. And I trusted they wouldn't do anything to ruin things for us as friends or for Chris and I. So, I'd finished work and just as I was about to clock out, my manager came over, "Hey Luce, you got a minute?" he asked, beckoning me over. I huffed a little and nodded before heading over to him by his office.

"what's up Nige?" I asked, following him inside. He closed the door and perched on the edge of his desk. "I know you've been working your butt off for the last 6 months, but we're short staffed tomorrow, any chance-"

"sorry sir" I stopped him mid sentence. "I've got plans this weekend that I cannot change." I told him. His shoulders dropped and he nodded. "I understand Lucy. You're a workaholic, but you do need some time off" he agreed. "sorry for asking" he added, and I smiled. "no worries sir, if I didn't have plans then I'd more than likely agree to it" I laughed, making him smile. "go enjoy your weekend." he laughed, shooing me out of his office. "I'll see you Monday" he smiled before I all but ran to my locker.

............

Once I was home (with a car load of groceries) I unpacked everything and poured myself a glass of wine as I filled up the bathtub with hot bubbly water. It had felt like the longest week and I was ready to unwind tonight and have some pampering time before Chris was due to land at the airport in the morning.

I slid into the bath and let the hot water ease my aching muscles. I'd been lifting Groot out of the water to get weighed and measured today and he was a heavy dude. I needed to up my game in the gym. Maybe I needed to do some weights with Chris. Ha! let's face it, I'd probably end up drooling over him and not actually doing any working out if the sight of him in The First Avenger was anything to go by. I shamelessly took a moment to think about that, when the music on my phone cut off and my ring tone started to play.

I sat up a little and grabbed it off the side of the tub. "hi" I smiled a little breathlessly. "hey Sweetheart" Chris greeted me, albeit sounding very awkward. "is something the matter?" I asked, that familiar nervous anxiety filling my chest. "it's about tomorrow" he said, those words making the anxiety worse. "I hate to have to do this-"

"but you gotta cancel" I said. Nothing but his breathing could be heard on the other end of the line for a few seconds. "I'm so sorry Lucy." he apologized, but it didn't matter. This was a joke. "I've been invited to this thing, and it would be good for-"

"It's fine Chris." I cut him off and I knew I sounded a bitch but I didn't care. Regardless of the reason, I wasn't going to see him, so why did it matter if he explained or not. "I am sorry Lucy. I'd fly you out here, but I'd still be busy, and I don't want to leave you holed up in my house whilst I'm out all night" but nothing he said was making me feel any better. "it's fine, really. You go and do what you gotta do. I'll enjoy my rare weekend off from work anyway" I said, forcing my voice to sound happier than it wanted to.

"great. what will you do now?" he asked, trying to sound happier too. "I don't know." I sighed. "I might just chill out at home. Maybe see Charlie." I sighed, "wish you could come with me" he said, "show you off on my arm" he said, and I smiled, but honestly, there was something that was just making me feel numb. Like my defenses were suddenly coming up. Protecting me from the exact thing that I knew was going to happen in the first place. Trouble was, this kind of thing was going to be happening again and again.....

'Lucy, about this weekend...'

'I've had an invite to an awards thing that my team are telling me I have to do'

'it's breaking my heart to have to do this again sweetheart'

' maybe in a few weeks when I can actually get my life back we can make that next date'

Weeks upon weeks of cancelling plans and I had just had enough of it. It wasn't his fault, I knew that. But I wasn't just going to sit around here waiting for him to find the time to fit me in. No matter how handsome, or kind or funny he was, it just wasn't working for me and I had to find a way to tell him.

.........

At Charlie's place

"I knew that it would be like this Charl" I huffed, grabbing a handful of Doritos before flopping back onto the sofa. It was another week that had sailed on by without me seeing Chris. "it's been almost 3 months since I've last seen him." I muttered, crunching down on my annoyingly tasty snack. "ugh why did you have to buy Doritos?!" I sassed. But I caught her smirking at me. "you're being a little bitch you know that right?" She said, but I just glared at her. "C'mon Lucy."

"okay, but if you were agreeing to go on dates with Seb and he kept on having to cancel on you every. single. time. you'd be pissy about it too. Whether it was his fault or not!" I stated, raising my voice a little. She sat and thought a minute, before saying "but Seb's an adorable Romanian puppy. I'd take whatever shit he came with" and she literally looked all love heart eyes. I wanted to vomit. "he really that good in bed?" I raised a brow, but when her loved up face turned into a smirk I held my hand up to her face and cut her off. "shut up I don't wanna know"

She scoffed at me and threw a cushion at my head. "You shouldn't dump him though" she declared, covering her legs with her Thor blanket. "are we even frickin' dating though?" I frowned. "I mean, calls and texts aren't really a relationship are they...if this was any other guy, you'd be telling me to sack him off" I said, and she frowned. "but this isn't just any other guy is it" she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "he's a charming, sweet, funny and caring guy who bizarrely thinks a lot of you. Now that would be like breaking up with a puppy" she pointed at me.

I had to agree to be fair. He was all those things and more. But I just felt that it was wrong. He clearly doesn't have the time for a girlfriend, or whatever he wanted me to be. I was already in too deep, but I needed to clamber out as quick as I could before it was game over.

"I'm gonna have to tell him that we'd be better off as friends" I stated, trying to sound strong and sure. But it came out shaky and weak. "I can't do it over the phone though, I owe him that much" I added. "let's just hope your next actual meeting is face to face then. Or it'll have been a year since you met and you'd be breaking up with him on your anniversary" Charlie pulled a face.