I got out of the carriage with the help of a harem guy. I looked at the huge castle in front of me, it was beautiful and anyone would dream of living in it but not me, not anymore. I wanted to just go to sleep so I could see my lover one more time in my dream.
"Come on mommy" Hurrem tugged my hand pulling me back to reality. I sighed and walked with my hand in her and the other I to Mustafa's.
As I walked into the harem all of the girls bowed to me and looked at me with looks of pity. I stopped in front of Hurrem sultan who was keeping on a brave face.
"Sultanim" I let go of Mustafa's hand to hold hers and kiss the back of it before moving to Fatma sultan who I've never met.
"I wish we had met in better times," she said as I kissed her hand. I nodded my head having no energy to speak anymore. I moved to Mihrimah sultan who was crying still not over the death of her brother.
I kissed her hand and went to my room wanting to just be alone with my children. I sat on my bed with Abdullah in my lap and Hurrem and Mustafa on each of my sides.
"Mommy I want to see daddy," Hurrem said turning to look at me.
"Me too," I said kissing her forehead. Allah, please guide me to an answer. Tell me what have I done to deserve this. Did I sin when I let myself fall so hard with someone as pure as Mehmed? Did I sin when I forgot my family to focus on my new one.
Sleep now my love
Mommy's right here
Daddy's over there
Brother will hold you
Sister will kiss you goodnight
Sleep my little one
Mommy will love you
Daddy will cherish
Brother will play with you
Sister will teach you
Sleep my tiny darling
Mommy will hug you
Daddy will help you learn
Brother will fight for you
Sister will defend you
Sleep, my baby
Mommy will lay beside you
Daddy will scare away the monsters
Brother will protect you all night
Sister will comfort you all night long
Sleep my young swan
Mommy will dry you up
Daddy will swim with you
Brother will pay with you
Sister will scold you
Sleep, my small warrior
Mommy will need you tomorrow
Daddy will fight for you
Brother will fight alongside you
Sister will pray for you
Sleep, my baby
Mommy's got you
Daddy's got you
Brother's got you
Sister's got you
I looked at my babies all asleep like angels. I placed Abdullah in between his siblings so he won't fall off the bed.
I walked out onto the balcony wanting some fresh air. Tears slipped through my eyes wetting my cheeks. I leaned against the railing barely being able to hold my weight anymore.
"Why Allah? Why did you do this to me?" I asked softly not wanting to wake the kids. As of Allah was answering me a storm started making it rain so hard that the water drop will probably feel like a bullet when it touched the skin.
"Why did you choose me for such a test?" I asked. I knew it was wrong to question God but I was hurting and I just wanted my lover back.
I walked out of the room making sure some maids were with the kids if they woke up or needed anything when I'm gone.
I walked down the steps and to the private garden not bothering to cover my hair not caring who sees me anymore.
I felt the water drops hit my skin damping my clothes and hair. It was like the universe could feel my pain and was crying with me.
"Allah!" I yelled angry with everything and everyone. I walked further into the garden ignoring the voice calling my name. I walked over to the roses, the flowers Mehmed used to gift me when I was sad.
I picked one and smelled feeling closure to my love. This made me feel worse than I already did. I tightened my grip on the flower not caring for the sting of the thorns or the blood that started to drip from my hands.
"Sultanim" I turned around to see Bali Bey one of the most trusted soldiers of the sultan. He stood there looking at me with pity in his eyes but he was masking it pretty well. He didn't seem to care that he was getting wet as long as he got me out of this storm.
"Please go back inside" he begged taking a step closer to me like I was some vicious animal.
"You know Bali Bey, a couple of years ago I saved Mehmed from getting infected by a traitor and since that day I felt like Mehmed was invincible and will live as long as Allah has given him but I was so wrong that Allah took him from me so early leaving me with three children and one on the way fatherless before it's even born," I said turning back to the roses. I could almost see Mehmed's face on the rose begging me to turn around and go back to our children.
"Turhan sultan-" I cut him off by turning around to face him sharply as a clap of thunder echoed around us. He jumped as the harsh sound hit his ears or maybe from the glare I threw his way I did not now.
"Do not call me that anymore! Since I got that name noting good happened other than my precious Mehmed and he's gone" I said harshly taking a step closer to him.
"What about your children? Don't you love them? Aren't they precious to you?" He asked like he was trying to tame a wild animal and maybe he was. I stayed silent as he took a step forward then another and another.
"I want Mehmed back" I whispered to myself more than him. He nodded stopping in front of me, he took off his jacket and wrapped around my drenched body.
"Bring him back to me" I begged him drowsily. I looked up at Bali Bey who looked down at me an almost emotionless face. My eyes rolled back and the last thing I felt was his arms wrapping around me preventing me from hitting the cold hard floor.
YOU ARE READING
MY PRINCE| MAGNIFICENT CENTURY| ✔️
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