The C.E.O & His SSGT...Book 1

20. Gregory

Song and a quote ^^ there

"My beautiful Travis,

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I would have called and left a voicemail or sent a text seeing it's really late for you and well I'd be calling a few times and sending at least a ten page text so I figured email is the best way to get this out. 

I want to start by saying I am sorry, I am sorry for being the one thing you fear the most. I am sorry you got stuck with me as your mate, I am sorry being who I am is your worst nightmare. I never intended to hurt you, to scare you or to make you in some way relive your past. I know you can't stand the thought of what I am, of what I turn into and seeing the fear and hatred in your eyes when I told you about me will forever be in my memory and it will haunt me for the rest of my days. 

You won't hear from me again after I send this email, I won't bother you again or Colby. I do intend to keep my promise to him to always be there if and when he needs me. I love that little boy so much that the thought of never seeing him again hurts so much. He deserves the world and he has a wonderful father who will do anything to protect his son and you did the right thing by making me stay away but I have a confession to make. I went to his school a few times and had lunch with him because I didn't want him to think I didn't want to be in his life. I explained to him that he won't be seeing much of me because of indifferences between you and I. I gave him my phone number which I hope you do let him keep because I keep my promises Travis and the one I made to him goes beyond us, it's a forever promise I made to him. 

I hope one day you find the happiness you so rightfully deserve and whomever you decide to let into your heart again, I hope they treat you like the king you are and the prince Colby is. You deserve the world Travis and I would have given it to you on a silver platter if you had asked. Let someone into your heart again Travis, let them see the kind, genuine, sweet, and amazing man you are. Love them like you never loved before and be happy, that is all I ever want for you, will ever wish for you. 

You won't be able to contact me in any way as I am going to delete this email account and you won't be able to call me on my phone because I am currently out of the country on a long business trip to settle all the contracts and get the signatures needed for them so I won't be home and my personal phone is useless out of the country. Please don't contact me, I don't think I will be able to handle it even if you find a way to reach out. 

Remember when we were in New York and went to see the Christmas tree in Central Park and Colby said he wished he had a tree like that? Well I found out who actually decorated it and I had ordered a much smaller one, a fake one so it can be kept forever for you guys. It will be delivered to you soon since it's close to Christmas. You can keep it or return it, that's up to you. I just wanted to do something special for you and at the time I didn't think we would be where we are now so please do whatever you want with it. I also had a photo framed of us in front of the tree that will also be delivered along with a photo album of the photos taken on our trip and some gifts I bought when we were in New York, again do whatever you wish with the stuff. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a fantastic New Year. Also I'd just throw away the letter like mail you will also be getting, it's nothing important, just tickets to the celebration in New York for New Years eve, the shows and being in the VIP box, can't return those so use them if you want or toss them. It's your choice to do what you want with it all. 

I miss you so much, I miss everything about you and I will always love you. I hope you have a wonderful happy life with someone who will be the luckiest son of a bitch there is because they will have your love and I know how it feels to have your love. Take care Travis and tell Colby if it's not too much trouble that I love him. 

I love you.

Sincerely, 

Gregory Morgan." 

I pressed send and after it confirmed it, I logged out and shut my laptop off before getting ready to go to another meeting. I wiped my eyes and cheeks before I opened the door and went to clean myself up in the bathroom. It's becoming part of my routine these days. 

Travis won't feel on the verge of losing his mind and feel like his heart is dead like I do because he didn't feel the mate bond like I do because he won't truly know we are mates until I mark him, that's just how it is for us and my mark will also turn him into a werewolf but I don't ever see that happening so he is the lucky one in not feeling like I do, I'd not wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. 

There are days when the pain is so bad that it hurts so much to the point where I can't even stand, breathe, or even open my eyes and other days I feel fine, it comes and goes more often than I'd like but what can I do? My mate hates what I become and is afraid of me, afraid of what I become and there is nothing I can do to change who I am and I would honestly never change who I am, it's who I am. 

I am trying to keep control on Rift, we aren’t going insane yet and I pray either Travis does by some miracle accepts us or we find our second mate. 

Speaking of second mates, Gabriel found his. He was at the mall and there she was, working at one of the food carts that sells dippin dots. He was so happy when he came home and told me all about her since he said he and she talked her whole shift, and he bought at least five ice creams from her so he could stay and talk. I'm glad he found her and I'm honestly happy for him. 

I miss Colby so much, his sweet personality and the way he gets so excited about things, his love of life, his sweet giggles and comforting hugs, I miss it all. 

I meant what I said in that email, I truly do hope he is happy and will always be happy, even if it's not with me. He deserves it. 

My days pass in a blur, I sign contracts and meet with the higher up of foreign military and set up shipments for them to have the gear they ordered delivered and a few days later I am off to yet another country doing the same thing. I haven't traveled like this before and I have to admit, I am enjoying myself more and more, exploring our beautiful planet and seeing the wonders of the world and meeting so many incredible people. 

There have been men and women who have tried to hook up with me, take me out, get me drunk but it only goes as far as a friendly dinner and that's it, no flirting on my end and I don't well can't get drunk by human alcohol and by the end of dinner we part ways on a friendly part and as easy as it would be to take an offer of a night of passion like I used to do I just can't bring myself to do it. I only want Travis, even if he is seeing someone else.

The thing about anyone being in a relationship with me is you end up in the tabloids, at times on the front cover and it can't be avoided so when they see Travis out with someone new, of course they will put it on the cover with some header saying "Gregory Morgan's ex lover is seen with a new man." Yes that hurts but I did want him to find his happiness, I just didn't think it would be so soon. I mean it also could be just him hanging out with a friend from work or another parent of a kid who goes to school with Colby, I know to not believe every word in those tabloids but when Cooper sends me updates, he mentions this man who Travis is just getting to know, it's not serious and he doesn't seem happy, not like he is when he was with me. 

I want to go home and talk to Travis face to face and if there is absolutely no possible way for us to be together well he will need to be the one to reject me so the bond will break and I can move on without going insane and losing my mind. 

I just hope it doesn't come to that and we can be together again.