SHAPESHIFTED (✓)

43. I'm all yours.

*Six months later*

"For the billionth time, Clarissa Fairchild, calm the fuck down!" Jace pinched the bridge of his nose, sighed, and ran his mismatched eyes over his pacing girlfriend.

"I can't, Jonathan Christopher Lightwood Herondale! Have I made the right decision? Has Simon made the right decision? What if we're not ready? Oh god-"

"Clary!" Jace exclaimed, stood up, walked towards his girlfriend, and held her by the shoulders. "Stop pacing! The ceremony is in two hours, so you need to get ready now."

"I don't think I'm ready! Simon... I should go and-"

"Clary, stop that, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think of all the times you and Simon fought together, think about your friendship, think about how compatible you both are, think about how far you both have come in your training in this one year. And believe me, if you're hearing this from me, it's a very big thing that I think you and Simon are stronger than me and Alec. It took us four years to become Parabatai, and you both completed your training in just one year instead of one and a half. So take a deep breath, calm yourself, and get ready. I'm sure that idiot will be thinking the same."

After a few deep breaths, Clary opened her eyes, the green ones looking softly into mismatched blue and brown ones, with a tight-lipped smile forming on her face. "You're right. I'm freaking out for nothing. I'm just... nervous. This is a big day for both of us. Becoming Parabatai, I still remember how happy I was when Simon asked me to be his Parabatai." Her eyes wandered back to the memories of that day like it happened just yesterday.

Jace sighed, cupped her face between his palms, and kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes. "Come here." Holding her hand, he guided her towards the bed. "Sit." As she sat down, he held her hands and looked deep into her emerald green eyes. "Talk to me, I know something's bothering you."

Clary sighed. "It's just that, I don't know how it'll change our lives. Me and Simon, we know each other since forever. We've always been each other's rock, a shoulder to lean on in tough times, and the first person to run to in happy times. But as I've seen you and Alec, I know it's much more than just friendship, more than being best friends. And... I don't know if I'll be able to justify my part."

"Clary," Jace cupped her hands between his and gave it a light squeeze. "One thing I can assure you is that, you'll be a better Parabatai than me. I and Alec have been Parabatais for long, but I don't think I've ever justified my part. I just don't think, I know I've failed Alec many times. If our bond would be strong, he never would have hidden that he was gay, that Samuel was raping him. He let that bastard put a block in our bond because he was scared that I'd turn my back on him. If I wouldn't be an asshole, if I would've been a better brother, then he wouldn't have gone through all that.

Being Parabatai, it's so much deeper than any friendship. We aren't just friends, we share a part of each other's soul, literally. We can feel what the other one is going through, their emotions, pain everything. It's just barely 50%, so knowing that what the other person is going through is more intense, it's just frightening. If it's a happy feeling, you feel relieved to know that they are doing well, but if it's not, it scares the shit out of you.

You all keep blaming me for not accepting back Magnus in our lives, I finally did but that doesn't mean I'm completely okay with it, do you know why? Because when they both broke up, I felt Alec's pain, I felt how broken he was. I felt how he was desperate to end his own life but didn't, just for our sake. I never felt that kind of pain before, Clary. And that did break me as well. Knowing that I'm not able to do anything for him.

Becoming Parabatai bonds you in a way you can't imagine. When you exchange the soul, and unite as one, that's the best feeling ever. I and Alec are polar opposites, I have anger issues, and he's the calmest person to exist on this planet, I love socializing, and he loves his solitude, I have the biggest ego, and he's the most down-to-earth person yet when we fight together in a battle, it's like we're fighting as one, we know each other's moves, our heart beats as one, we work in sync, in unity as one, but still most of the time, he ends up saving my reckless ass. If you think you doubt about yourself, you should go to Alec, he's the best at pep talk, not me." He finished and noticed the tears that were sitting on the edge of her beautiful green eyes.