𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥

I often write too much
and say too little.
I hold back what I wanted
to tell him all along.
I ignore the feelings in the
bottom of my stomach
and listen to the logic in my head.
it bangs like a drum while
my heart quietly plays a melody
on its cello.
my ears hear the music
but no one else's do.
is the melodic sound too deafening
for their eardrums?
is their no love to be seen anymore?
I rearrange the thought
and realize maybe it is I who is
deaf to the realities of life.
it is I who has been hearing it all wrong.
but when he speaks to me,
it is music within the very depths
of soul where the orchestra
which had gone extinct finds their seats
and strums old lines I had
forgotten so long ago.
he laughs and the chimes hum softly.
he smiles and the entire string
section let's out a sigh.
since they've sighed for me,
I can refrain.
he sings and the orchestra plays behind
him, although he would never hear it.
he looks at me and the woodwinds
collapse under the pressure of the gaze.
my childish ways of loving
have not ceased even though I am
no longer considered a child.
I still feel the anatomy of soul
as an orchestra
playing the most lovely and unwritten
music that has ever existed.
but it only plays when he's around.

written on: september 11th, 2020