𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲

i believed in love once
when I was very young.
i believed in guitar picks
and poetry aisles.
i longed for sunset drives
and for holding hands
in the darkness of a spring
evening.
i manifested dreams and ideas
into existence by my own
devices and i pretended nothing
hurt or bothered me.
i met him in the exceeding
brightness of an august day,
a cup in my hand and a
smile coming to my face.
i took several leaps of faith
in those days, with seventies
music blasting through my mind.
i believed he was something special.
blonde hair,
blue eyes,
glasses,
and a mysterious surface.
i wanted nothing more than to
fall in love with him and never recover.
i fell in so deeply that
when i realized what was happening
i was already on the ground.
he left like i meant nothing to him.
while i suffered for him and waited for
him in the lonely hours
of springtime,
he fell in love with her and
all of her unique quirks.
and he left me so easily.
he broke my heart without knowing it
and he destroyed me.
now i sit in my bedroom
in the cold of a december evening
as a bitter adult,
with nothing to my name but
a few honors and awards that i probably
do not deserve.
i still spin vinyl on weekends
and play piano in the dark.
i still love chocolate ice cream and
writing poetry of my own.
yet i do not believe in love.
and i certainly don't believe it exists for me.

written on: december 1st, 2020