𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 & 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲

i loved him once.
i was a naïve child who
believed in magic and
true love and the power
of love.
he came there with his
manipulative ways and his
charming eyes
and i fell inevitably.
he knew this and yet he
played me like a violin.
he kept me on his leash and
held me to his terms.
i was a prisoner in my own life,
chained to an unrequited love.
and yet, i believed he loved me
all along.
he called me each evening and
said my name in the sweetest voice
possible.
he held my hand and held me in
his arms in such a tender manner
that it only made me love him more.
he fell for me when i fell out of love
with him.
he used me and held on when it was
convenient.
when someone else he wanted
broke his heart he came crying to me
and took me on dates, offered me his
vulnerable heart,
and i fell for it every time.
but even when i finally cut him off,
through the tears and aftertaste
of a flat coca-cola at three a.m.,
it still hurts.
all i remember of him now
is the way his green eyes shined when
he sang those love songs for me
and the way he seemed to look into my
soul and sing those words just for me.
i can remember the way it felt when
i placed my head on his shoulder and the
way he played with my brown hair.
i remember the way he smiled and
he talked passionately about music
like he could've talked about
it forever.
i remember the way he held my hand
and the way he hugged me too long.
i remember the way he smelled
and the way it felt being wrapped up in
his sweater.
i remember the way it felt watching
him play the ivory keys on the piano,
and the way his pale fingers were warm
against my cold ones.
i remember the way he looked back at me
while i moped around at my sophomore
homecoming and the cute suit he wore.
i remember how warm the cafeteria was
and how happy i was to have him.
i remember when the ed sheeran song came
on and he pulled me in close.
one of his hands was on my waist while
the other held my right hand.
my left hand rested on his jacket and
i couldn't look him in the eye
because i was so nervous.
he began to sing those song lyrics
and i immediately knew i was in love with
him and i probably be for a while.
and i was.

written on: december 20th, 2020