Wish You Were Here

Part Four: All Night

With my heart still heavy I know I won't sleep. I have to encapsulate these feelings and at least make them useful. I take myself and my laptop to the downstairs bar, thanking god for its 24 hour service.

There's no one really around, just a few stragglers and the bartender. I put some headphones in, and put on my best heartbreak classics. It's been a long time since my writing could be fueled by the actual aching in my own chest. I drink a vodka tonic, and swipe a few tears away so they don't fall on my keyboard.

I watch the sunrise through the window, and migrate from the bar to the outdoor area of the restaurant. I stopped the vodka at some point, not wanting to drink through the night. I order a coffee and breakfast, assuming Rach is still passed out. I keep feverishly typing, writing, rewriting, and frustrating the hell out of myself. I wonder how I'll make it through the day after not sleeping at all, I'm sure I look crazy to the staff who saw me.

"Did you even sleep?" Ashton's voice rings in my ear, he pulled my headphones out to speak to me. I'm extremely fucking jumpy all the time, and I nearly elbowed him in the face.

"You gave me a heart attack, Irwin." I say, with my hand over my chest. He gives me a once over with harsh eyes.

"No, I didn't sleep. I've been in the bar writing all night, and now I'm here." I huff and cross my arms over my chest.

"You need to sleep, this is ridiculous." He tries to pull me up but I fight his grasp, sticking my tongue out at him. I act like a toddler when I don't sleep, he's right that I should sleep. I can't, and I won't because all I see is baby blue when I close my eyes.

"Ash? Man, what are you doing?" I tense up when I hear the familiar voice calling out for Ashton. I close my laptop and clamber out of my chair, I don't see the waitress around. I have to get out of here, I really don't want him to see me like this.

"It's ok, you're ok." He tries to soothe me the best he can, but my heart is racing laps around my chest.

"No, I can't fucking breathe. Look at me! I've been up all night, he can't see me." I say in a panic, running my hands through the mess of curls from last night. It's too late, he's a few feet away and he's staring right at me.

"Breathe, Cassy." Ashton leans down and whispers to me as the most beautiful boy walks toward us. He stops for a moment when he sees me, taking in my appearance with a concerned look.

"Cass, tell me you weren't up all night." He says once he reaches the table.

"Do you want the truth....?" I ask, biting at my nails and shifting nervously.

"Why? What did you do? Come on, you're going to bed right now." His tone is concerned, but it turns stern when he tells me to go to bed.

"I'll catch up with you later, Ash." He hands a couple of bills to him, and motions to my table. I pick up my laptop and glare at him,

"I don't want to sleep, and you're not paying for my breakfast." I tap my foot and try to look intimidating.

"Bed. Now. None of this is a negotiation." He's looking down at me now, practically towering over me. I let out a whine and started stomping off with my laptop clutched to my chest. He follows behind me, placing a hand on my lower back. I swat it away,

"I'm not a child, Luke." I glare at him, but he just smiles.

"Then stop acting like one, Cassandra." I look down as he says it, he isn't wrong, and maybe I am kind of tired. I push the ninth floor button, and he pushes the seventh.

"You're coming to my room." He says sternly,

I'm doing WHAT?! No, no there's no way I'm doing that.

"No! I want to go to my room."

"Not a negation, Cass." His hand is on my lower back again, he leans down and kisses the top of my head.

"It's girls weekend, I can't. I have to get Rach up, and we have stuff to do." I'm absolutely whining right now, but It's not my fault he won't listen.

"She'll be there in a few hours after you get some rest." The door opens on the seventh floor as he says this, he leads me out into the hall, and to his door. I'm still attempting protests, whining at him about how I can't sleep.

"Cass, please. A few hours." He pleads with me, and I give in to his sweet face. I'm tired of protesting anyway. I kick off the boots I had put on over my wool socks, discard my laptop on a desk, and climb into the bed. He sits down next to me, propped up on some pillows and looks over to me.

"I'd like to talk sometime, when you're not so tired.." his request warms my heart, and I just mumble a quiet approval. I lay facing him, and peak one eye open to see him on his phone scrolling aimlessly. He lifts his arm and pulls me into his side.

"I see your eyes open, love. Go to sleep." He lets out a low chuckle. Being in this bed, his bed with him is starting to thaw my heart again. He has his phone in one hand, and the other is running through my hair. He's radiating warmth, and his smell is as intoxicating as ever. I wish I could bottle this moment, or even just live in it a bit longer but my overly exhausted body has other ideas.

I wake up from the deepest, and most peaceful sleep to a sweet voice.

"Cass, it's been a few hours. Do you want to keep sleeping?" His voice is soft, I'm still cuddled up to his chest with his arm around me. I would love to stay like this forever, but I know I need to wake up.

"Good morning, sunshine." He coos when I open my eyes, greeted by his dimples and smile.

"Mmm, hi Lu." Is all I can manage before letting out a yawn.

"Ash took Rachel out for lunch. I asked her what you like and had some lunch delivered for you." He's such a fucking dream, he asked Rachel what I'd like so I could sleep.

"You're a very sweet boy, Luke Hemmings."

"Anything for you, Cass." He places a kiss on my forehead, and tucks my hair behind my ear.

As a believer in dramatic, whirlwind romance, as well as fate, and soulmates I can't help but wonder how this perfect boy could fall into my lap. The amount of care he showed me this morning, he seemed worried about me.

I haven't seen genuine care or worry from anyone but Rach and her parents in so long that I almost forgot the good feeling it brings. When dad got sick, I'd sit and read to him in the hospital. He didn't care what it was, as long as I was there. When we lost him, my mom married some rich guy with no kids and I was suddenly a burden. I spent the time hiding with Rachel's family, her parents practically became my own. When my mom wanted to move away with her new rich husband, I couldn't leave my home. I couldn't leave Rachel, and the only thing that felt like family. I lived with them for four years until I was 18. I get a Christmas and birthday card from mom once a year, but I haven't heard her voice since the day she left.

I know I'm lost in my own head again, but Luke isn't ready for any of this shit. I'm not ready to tell him, or try to make him understand. I'm trying to stop myself from falling completely, and breaking my own heart. I never let anyone in after my mom. It had to be right, I fucking kissed every guy up the coast just to feel something. I never did, not until last night and I keep racking my stupid brain as to why. I may be a bit delusional sometimes, but nowhere near delusional enough to believe that he could want me.